tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76309782024-03-13T15:54:16.061-07:00i wanna dance!mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-69273575390395167062008-04-16T22:12:00.000-07:002008-04-16T22:33:38.555-07:00New Camera :)So we got the new camera. Even though we've been debating about it for a while, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing to actually order it. We decided to go with the Canon Rebel xTi, the least expensive of the 3 cameras we were debating on. I really wanted to get the full frame 5D, but realized that buying that with a decent lens was going to run us more than 4 times what we ended up paying for the xTi. I figure, when we eventually invest in a nice lens later on, we'll get one that is compatible with the full frame cameras and will be able to upgrade if I feel like it's necessary.<br /><br />We had the camera on our recent trip to visit Brian's family. I must have bugged the heck out of them, sticking a camera in their face for a lot of the time we were there.<br /><br />So far, I love it! There are things that bother me a little, like the fact that you can't see a preview of the picture on the LCD before you take it, so you can't tell how tweaking the white balance, shutter speeds, and ISO settings are going to effect the picture untill after you take it. This makes it take longer to get a good shot.<br /><br />It is leagues above our previous camera though, so I am pretty happy. Check out some of the pictures I took on the flickr site:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/iwannadance">http:\\www.flickr.com\iwannadance</a><br /><br />I would post a bunch of them up here, but I don't want to have to resize them and go through the hassle of uploading them again. :) I'm terrible, I know.<br /><br />I really want more practice with taking portraits, so if anyone would like to volunteer their time to sit for me, let me know. I will be very appreciative.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-45981600903370558652008-03-28T16:54:00.000-07:002008-03-28T18:09:22.455-07:00Rest in Peace our little MikeyMy mom told me that our dog Mikey had to be put to sleep last night. I don't know how I really feel about it. I've been pretty busy since I found out, so I didn't let myself really think about what I'm feeling. I realize though that it's kind of been sitting at the back of my mind, bugging me. So I'm letting myself grieve the loss of my puppy. I'm remembering him to give him a good send off, to let him know that he is loved and will be remembered.<br /><br />I was 12 and my sister was 9 when we went with my mom to see him for the first time. Someone had a litter of puppies and posted it at the vet. He was the runt and his leg was hurt because he had had a little accident. My sister and I thought he was the cutest one. And let me tell you, he was cute. So cute! Did I mention he was cute? Anyway, he was supposed to cost $3o, but we didn't have that much cash on us at the time. We searched the entire car for all the spare change we could find, and ended paying $27 and something cents, or something like that. After going to the pet store to pick up some dog food, we brought him home. And let me tell you, my dad was surprised. We had to promise that we were going to take care of him.<br /><br />Reluctantly, my dad let us keep him. I wish I had the pictures of him we took when he was a little puppy, less than a foot long (and soooooo cute!). Brian promised me that the next time we go home to visit, we'll find those pictures and scan them.<br /><br />Mikey was a constant in my life for the next 6 years. He was always there, and always wanted to spend time with us. More than we had time for him. :( I do feel bad about that. I know we didn't spend as much time with him as we should have, but my sister and I would always try to go out and play some of his favorite games with him. Most of them were games like my sister and I throwing something back and forth between us or kicking something back and forth between us, and Mikey trying to intercept it. He was really good at that, and wouldn't give it back unless he was distracted by something else. We also taught him a bunch of tricks. Sit, speak, dance, stay, shake, lay down, roll over. I think I taught him to roll over later in his life, so I don't think that saying that you can't teach old dogs new tricks is true. I was in the middle of teaching him to play dead during the times I visited home. He never quite got that one.<br /><br />My sister and I were the ones to give him baths. We dreaded and loved those times. Dreaded because we would ALWAYS end up COMPLETELY soaked and smelling like dog after, but loved it because Mikey was so cute when we gave him a bath. Mikey hated baths. We would line the washing machine with towels and wash him in the basin right next to it. While we were putting the towels down, he would know a bath is coming so he'd huddle in a corner of the yard, looking like he was trying to make himself as small as he could. It would usually end up that one of us would try to keep him in the basin while the other was washing. He did get out a couple times,a nd we'd have to chase him and carry the soaked muddy dog back into the basin. And he always looked like a drowned rat. As a shetland sheepdog, he's normally kind of poofy, but when he got wet, he looked so scrawny, and CUTE! After washing, we'd let him jump up onto the washing machine and we'd alternate rubbing all over with towels and letting him shake. When he would shake, we would hold up towels in front of our faces to shield us from the dog water, but my sister and I would try to get him to shake while the other one didn't have her towel up. It was so much fun. Sometimes while he was on the washing machine, we'd dress him up, putting funny hats on him (at that time, it wasn't such a common thing to see dogs wearing clothes) and taking pictures. He absolutely hated it. And he would totally suck up to us to try to get us to let him down. he'd tuck his head into my neck and lick my face, and give me the cutest look. We would eventually let him down, and he'd scamper off and roll in the dirt and run back to us like he was saying, "was all that trouble worth it?".<br /><br />What I loved about him the most though, was that you could tell he was happy to see us, and be with us. When he was being pet by us or chased around, or on a walk, or being fed by us, he was a very very happy, content dog. Being able to make someone look so content and happy by putting my hand on their head is a very nice feeling.<br /><br />I'm glad I wasn't home to be part of deciding to put him to sleep, although I would have liked to say goodbye somehow. He was a pretty old dog. He was 14, which is pretty old by dog standards. But if I were there watching them feed him an entire bag of treats as his last meal, I would be bawling my eyes out. My mom was in tears when she called me last night, and I am now as I'm writing this. He was a very good dog. He was a great guard dog, and so loving and spunky and I'm gonna miss him.<br /><br />I'm not going to presume I know what happens to animals after they die, but wherever you are Mikey, I hope you aren't too bored, and are getting a lot of treats and belly rubs.<br /><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5182964043734553906" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjrUIw0_boGzreVEyCaOexzxKbvzGvHVGsPwwEYwUJeJOX_1XRrQnFJ7zg5XbFsVg6KbD9DyMzlmMPqYLbioVPqCv8ONJybzaHXwidiEaud9g6k_t6iqHe-badm05-f7rhCHNR/s400/Mikey.jpg" border="0" />mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-9238480720822365362008-03-17T18:50:00.000-07:002008-03-17T20:29:51.528-07:00last night . . .I was belting out almost every single word of 23 matchbox twenty songs with a ton of other fans while hearing them perform live. It was wonderful even with a cranky guy yelling at us to sit down. :) Yay matchbox!mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-86369960649476322522008-03-02T20:11:00.001-08:002008-03-02T20:14:59.333-08:00Yum!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVxNbngnb5dbi7_luzMAOClTQbyZAgljNZJ6I9Piga11JmHQgBIPehVNaXgw7bD0JctUDTJ5FxU7Q4Hr6H6ZcT1640rkawbiY6AA0Iqx-_H2f8i3Zn5aC_466L786tHna-Yuel/s1600-h/3498.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5173364080550198258" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVxNbngnb5dbi7_luzMAOClTQbyZAgljNZJ6I9Piga11JmHQgBIPehVNaXgw7bD0JctUDTJ5FxU7Q4Hr6H6ZcT1640rkawbiY6AA0Iqx-_H2f8i3Zn5aC_466L786tHna-Yuel/s400/3498.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-80996923757253601742008-02-22T10:30:00.000-08:002008-02-22T12:19:12.521-08:00my poor babySo my laptop died a couple weeks ago. I was going to blog about it sooner, but it got busy and I accidentally took some of the pictures in raw format and had to install some camera software.<br /><br />Anyway, what happened was the little jack where the adapter plugs into broke off. And since my battery does not hold a charge, my laptop pretty much died because it wasn't plugged into the wall anymore. Since it is no longer under warranty, Brian and I undertook the daunting task of trying to fix it.<br /><br />Here's a picture of my laptop in pieces.<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169899968552758290" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNOoFKYWmdT6Zz4b8g2Nfn_TY7yhOK9WS7EB9UQd_VfhvCdawhH2eX-SjivvJ8eBIs4mjPSBqDzVBsGri5ebNltH1o6tELQ-rkwvQhFIo34n9VMfScCHChDilU_lqoEJoJO9UC/s200/CRW_3052.JPG" border="0" /><br />We had to actually take it apart more because we couldn't remove the broken existing jack without taking the motherboard off.<br /><br />Here are all the screws that used to hold my laptop together.<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169899977142692898" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx_KVzOev8vG049sqaXa5FAtUfWun5dQsBQ2bLbx92w5tPQtr9Nqt5FxBtE0ClKqL7DxbWzU8JoQ55vuCrlrCM9_xzhjD1TKcNTpDBe5zCF_X6G0dNiTIDs81GfKf73JEDl5wl/s200/3057.jpg" border="0" /><br />After 3 or 4 hours of taking the laptop apart, we were ready to attempt to fix it. We went to Fry's and Radio Shack to try to find a jack that was the right size, but to no avail. It would just be too easy if we could find the right part at the store. So in the end we went with some jack that Brian had in one of his junk boxes. After removing the broken jack, we soldered two wires into the motherboard, and then pulled them through the open hole in the back of the laptop where the adapter plug usually goes. We then tried out Brian's new heat shrink gun to try to protect the wires, and then soldered the ends onto the jack.<br /><br />Here is a picture of the final product.<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169899985732627506" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGsg7LoWFZ5O3MldTgCrrkD1rtzuS88m23dPWki8tQIan7NMiQEYM83r8dYBZA8QxEiH98gqed-NN2xD5FO6nhC3P-5n00R0411Eb6UaN2VXBS8-92QK4ZgPl9T2WfHsa_l7Uq/s200/3130.jpg" border="0" /><br />We did end up adding some electrical tape around the jack and the bare wire for more protection, and so I don't get shocked.<br /><br />We turned it on and . . .<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169899994322562114" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEjC4Emz6c6iTpPD_a36v89VJYZ5dwFj4dy08MKuWX7wM7Bq4f7R4WtB97Bo_4MY6_lF0EB_BLIY10RI9NfIaBsSFB3XQbvxFj7037VHSkeCKzVFv4pcsi-nYxQQ3qsgvzH7hZ/s200/3132.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />It worked!<br /><br />For the most part. We discovered that the Q, E, I, S, H, and ENTER keys were not functional. We took it apart again and checked the keyboard connection, but they still didn't work. We did bend the keyboard quite a bit to get it out in the first place, so that might have broke it. But we just plugged in an external keyboard, and it does just fine. Hopefully it will run okay for a little while longer. I don't want to invest in a new one quite yet. I'm getting my new camera first!mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-72749389605669135572008-02-03T21:07:00.000-08:002008-02-03T21:10:55.671-08:00flickr againAlright, so I figured out how to make the link to my flickr page a little more intuitive and not just a bunch of random numbers. Here's the new and easier to remember link:<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/iwannadance/"><br />http://www.flickr.com/photos/iwannadance/</a><br /><br />I just put up a few pictures of the kids in our life group. We went to a little superbowl party today at Howard and Doran's. It was fun. I didn't watch too much of the superbowl, mostly kids. I think that's a much better way of spending my time. <br /><br />Oh, I wonder who won. Maybe I should look it up now. Talk to you guys later.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-11763365266874252892008-02-01T17:05:00.000-08:002008-02-01T17:12:03.437-08:00flickrOh, I started a flickr site. I've been playing around with pictures a little more lately, and I really really really really want to get a new camera sometime this year. (You should ask Brian, I think I've been bringing it up like 10 times a day) Anyway, we'll see . . .<br /><br />Eventually, I want to embed the photostream in this blog, but I can't quite figure it out at the moment. So for now, here's the link:<br /><br /><a href="http://flickr.com/photos/23090509@N02/">http://flickr.com/photos/23090509@N02/</a><br /><br />I don't have much up there right now, but I'll try to add more as I take them.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-5115149212090621892008-02-01T16:40:00.000-08:002008-02-01T17:15:18.606-08:00electionsThere's not much for me to say here. I'm frustrated at all the campaigning. I feel like it wastes tons of money, tends to bring people down to an undignified level, and it causes a lot of conflict that I don't think needs to be there.<br /><br />Anyway, I think I'm voting for Obama (seeing as independents, we can't vote in the republican primary anymore). Hillary's gone a little too far with the mudslinging.<br /><br />Brian and I were discussing it last night and I asked him his thoughts on the candidates and the main differences between Obama and Clinton. Brian said that what stands out the most to him is that Obama supports net neutrality and is the only candidate he's heard that has a stance on technology.<br /><br />I shouldn't be surprised.<br /><br />I'm not saying it's not an important issue, but that is SO TOTALLY Brian.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-46606089059980412742008-01-22T22:52:00.001-08:002008-01-22T22:54:45.198-08:00What's going on?Okay, this is going to be one of those weird posts, so those of you who only want to read deep or uplifting reflections, you can tune out now. <br /><br />Anyway, first Jonathan Brandis, then Brad Renfro, and now Heath Ledger? Is every teenage heartthrob I have have ever had a crush on going to be found dead in their apartment? Weird.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-77435826819978891082008-01-17T17:42:00.000-08:002008-01-17T23:40:46.478-08:00Anne ShirleyI love reading about Anne. I just started reading about Anne of Green Gables last year and now I'm on my 4th book, "Anne's House of Dreams", having quickly read through Anne of Avonlea and Anne of the Island in less than a month. (I have also discovered that all of these books are in the public domain now, so I don't even need to go to the library to get them). Anyway, most girls have read through these books in elementary school, but not me. I guess I must of just missed them. I'm really glad though that I haven't discovered Anne until now, because as a child, I don't think I could have appreciated it as much.<br /><br />Reading about Anne gives me comfort and, I think, a new way of seeing the world. It helps me feel not so bad that I haven't completely grown up yet. To me, the books are full of little "life lessons", shown through letting us into the everyday and not so everyday glimpses of Anne's life. She may be a little over-dramatic and over-romantic at times, but reading these books makes me feel all warm inside -- and glad to be alive watching the sunset outside my window.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-32916349674386686852008-01-13T12:13:00.000-08:002008-01-13T13:04:03.920-08:00GuiltOne of the gifts from my mother-in-law this Christmas was a book. She reads a lot of Christian literature books. She told me that this one in particular has been really helpful for her, especially when she finds it hard to come up with words to pray. It's been a really long time since I've read a Christian literature book (this is a different issue, and maybe I'll discuss it at a later time). Anyway, The book she gave me is, <span style="font-style: italic;">Praying God's Word</span> by Beth Moore. I guess it's a companion book to a seminar series she's giving called <span style="font-style: italic;">Breaking Free</span>. The book has different chapters on overcoming different chronic sins that we face, including: idolatry, unbelief, pride, deception, insecurity, rejection, addiction, food-related strongholds, ongoing feelings of guilt, unforgiveness, depression, and sexual strongholds. <br /><br />Each chapter begins with a little bit of an explanation of the sin, where it stems from and how we get trapped in it. The chapters then go on to give many scripture based prayers about that particular sin as a starting point for you to pray for your forgiveness and healing. <br /><br />This morning I didn't go to church because I wasn't feeling very well, but Brian did. And while I was home by myself this morning, I was feeling like I really wanted to be close to God. I've been in a little bit of a funk lately, so I was surprised by my level of motivation to really do something. So anyway, I picked up this book. I read through the chapter on overcoming ongoing feelings of guilt seeing that it's definitely something that I struggle with. It might stem from my Asian upbringing, but when I do something wrong, the feelings of guilt weigh me down long after I confess it. <br /><br />My time with God this morning struck me. Maybe not as deeply as I would have expected or desired, but it was significant, and I thought that writing this stuff down and even sharing it with all of you would be helpful for me.<br /><br />In the book, Beth Moore is very clear about the issue of ongoing feelings of guilt: "Never in all of Scripture does Christ resist the repentant sinner. He resisted the proud and the self-righteous religious, but never the humble and repentant. Indeed, forgiveness is why He came. When we approach God in genuine repentance, taking full responsibility for our own sins, our prison doors swing open. Tragically, we could sit right there in our prison cells for the next five years in torment if we don't stand on God's promises and walk forward in His truth. Since Satan knows that forgiveness leads to freedom, he takes on the role of tormentor, taunting us with guilt and condemnation. If Christ has forgiven us, he [Satan] does everything he can to see to it that we don't forgive ourselves."<br /><br />I came to many realizations while reading this chapter. One of which is how complicated I try to make things. When I read that paragraph, it sounds so clear and uncomplicated, but when I think about my sin, forgiveness, and being healed, there's all this mess. I doubt God's truth and keep asking myself "is it really possible for me to turn my back on this sin and change?", "how can I believe it when everyone around me will still condemn me for what I've done?", "why was I created so messy to start with?". <br /><br />Another realization I came to was how I use my "messiness" as an excuse to not take full responsibility for my sin. I think one thing that keeps me from letting go of the guilt is not fully repenting in the first place. I will feel wretched before God, and feel like I'm humbling myself and ask him to help me change, but I will have the mindset that I really can't help doing what I've done. That's just who I am. I make a lot of mistakes and I can't do anything about that. At the same time, many of these "mistakes" are made while I'm well aware that I'm doing something wrong. It's a horrible feeling. I need to take full responsibility because in the moment when I sin, I am choosing to sin, whether it is very hard to choose otherwise or not. Having an "I can't help it" mindset will keep me from accepting God's help and trusting in His power to free me.<br /><br />Anyway, now that I've humbled myself before God and all of you, I am praying that I will be able to receive God's forgiveness and grace, that I will not blame God for my sin, and will not hold on to it any longer than I need to. While reading through the rest of the chapter, it surprised me how much scripture there is about this exact topic. It is really true that Jesus came to forgive us (again, this might seem very obvious to many people, it even seems obvious to me when I think about it). Old and New Testament are filled with verses about the forgiveness of God and His ability to make us new and clean. <br /><br />Anyway, I am ending this blog entry with a pretty hopeful feeling. I am thankful that God has met me today. I know it is only me that is keeping Him from meeting me more often and in a deeper way. I do have hope though that it will get easier over time. There are a lot more chapters of this book that interest me and I'm excited (sort of) to read them (which is a start). Please pray for me if you are so inclined, that I will continue to grow toward God, and that it will get easier to spend time with Him and allow Him to move me. Thanks.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1176436561244431752007-04-12T20:32:00.000-07:002007-04-12T20:57:18.043-07:00compliments anyone?This blogging thing is harder than I thought. There are always a ton of random stuff going around in my mind, but trying to find something to write down that is coherent is very difficult. Ask Brian. Right now I'm telling him that I'm getting all stressed out trying to write a blog entry. Maybe it will take a little time to get used to writing again and I should just try, cuz eventually I'll get back into the swing of things.<br /><br />Okay, so here's something I've been kind of thinking about for a while. I dunno if it is terribly important, or very interesting, but it kind of came up today, so I thought I'd write about it.<br /><br />I realize that I'm really bad at complimenting people. <br /><br />Sometimes at work, I'll get random compliments - about my clothes or this or that, and maybe it shouldn't, but it does make me feel a little better about myself; it makes me feel a little more confident. Then I start to wonder why I don't compliment people. I mean if I think it's nice when other people compliment me, why don't I do it for other people? I realized that one reason that I don't do it is because I think it's too fake. Isn't that funny? I mean, other people might mean it when they do it, but if they don't mean it, I fall for it anyway. Another reason is because I feel like I have more important things to say. I think I'm a very practical person, and I tend to communicate that way. No room for fluff, just say what is important to say, especially at work. But don't get me wrong, I interact with people in a very friendly way. I even think they perceive me as very friendly, I just have a hard time complimenting others.<br /><br />Anyway, the point of this is that I think I'm going to try to practice. But only when I really mean it. Only when I do notice something about someone else, and am thinking it anyway. Maybe it will make someone smile or something. That would be nice.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1176171309570422732007-04-09T18:53:00.000-07:002007-04-10T19:36:06.593-07:00she's back!Hello my wonderful blog audience. Anyone still there? :)<br /><br />Hmm. No matter. I'm back anyway.<br /><br />This is my first post in a very long time, as you all have probably noticed. It is also my first post since I have gotten married (gasp!). So you're all probably asking yourselves why I'm posting again, or maybe you're asking yourselves why I stopped posting in the first place. I'll try my best to answer your questions.<br /><br />If you read my last couple posts, you could maybe tell that I have kind of been in a rut. And I was also pretty busy for the last 6 months or so with getting married and stuff. In any case, I wasn't much in the mood for blogging.<br /><br />My renewed motivation for blogging is coming about through realizing how passive I have been in the last couple years. I have just been going with the flow, and not being intentional about - well anything. If something came up, I would deal with it, and if something was fairly obviously the right choice, I would do it, but on the whole, I have been pretty inactive.<br /><br />Yesterday was Easter Sunday. Brian and I were talking about things. I was feeling a lot of regret. Regret about the last couple years, regret about Lent this year because I don't feel like it went very well. I was feeling like I wanted to keep Lent going because I was feeling really down. I wanted to try to make up for it not going very well.<br /><br />But now it is Easter . . . it's time to celebrate. Yesterday morning, I didn't feel too much like celebrating let me tell you (it didn't help that it was so gloomy outside). I really didn't know how you're supposed to do it - just celebrate all of a sudden, after being down for so long.<br /><br />I realized after a little bit of moping that that's kind of the point of Easter. We are supposed to celebrate all of a sudden. We aren't supposed to get sucked into regret and shame because Jesus' death has the power to overcome that, to overcome all those mistakes. There is hope. I guess that is why I'm starting to blog again. I'm going to try to intentionally reflect and write down my thoughts. I'm going to try to look up and know there is always potential to do better because Jesus has overcome all my mistakes.<br /><br />It feels good to be back.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1149189341961467232006-06-01T11:56:00.000-07:002006-06-01T12:20:04.950-07:00changes and lifeI realize that I have really changed from that cheery, optimistic girl I was a couple years ago when I started this blog. I feel like the reality of the world, of my own weaknesses have broken my heart again.<br /><br />I have been wondering about what that means. Have I gone backwards from where I was after God had healed me and restored my joy? As I have been thinking about this today, I have come to the realization that both sides of me are appropriate. We need to rejoice in who God is and what that means in our lives, and we need to mourn the state of things in the world.<br /><br />Last night, Brian and I had what I would describe as an eye-opening experience. We encountered the brokenness of the world first hand in a way that really affected us and realized what it means to live in this city. We've both had some missions experience, and I would like to say I have had experience working in the inner city and dealing with the issues that people who live there face. This experience was different from my other experiences in a couple ways. First, I was never personally affected before. It was never like I was in any real danger or so personally involved before. I could just walk away. Last night I felt like I couldn't. Secondly, it was the first time, we've encountered it together. We both realized what it felt like to want to protect each other and to feel the guilt of not doing it well enough. We both felt sick to our stomaches, and I still do as I think back on it. But last night as we held each other and cried and prayed together over the brokenness all around us and in us, I felt something more meaningful than I have in a long time. Although I don't want to feel that all the time, I do want that meaning in my life, I do want our marriage to be us, together crying out to God.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1141416537452120452006-03-03T11:57:00.000-08:002006-03-03T12:08:57.463-08:00sad<p>This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? </p><p>Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek it out and embrace it? </p><p>What happened to us? </p><p>That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war... </p><p>Hoping for their safe return...</p><p>But knowing that some will be lost along the way. </p><p>When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness.</p><p>Does this darkness have a name?</p><p>Is it your name? </p><br /><br />Usually, I don't like One Tree Hill, but this last week, I feel like it had a really good message, and was shocking in it's portrayal of high school violence. It's not as prominent as it is in middle school or high school, but social hierarchy is a problem, even in the adult world. We need to think about how we treat other people. I think that adults need to be told even more than children because it seems that we are the harder ones to teach. We think we are past that development phase and tend to have a harder time seeing that we are doing something wrong. I guess all I'm saying is love each other, love everyone, no matter how the world sees them, don't count people out.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1141091564062273662006-02-27T17:23:00.000-08:002006-02-27T17:52:44.106-08:00pray for joshI've been tutoring a boy named Josh over the last 9 months or so. He's in 9th grade, but has the mind of an 8 year old. You don't understand how hard it is for a boy like this to function in inner city Inglewood, until things like this happen . . .<br /><br />Last week, Josh told his psychologist that he has tried to kill himself multiple times, that his mother has been beating him, that he will kill himself if they let him go back home. He is now being held at a mental hospital, but they will soon send him to a group home, as soon as they can get the court order to have him medicated. He now changed his mind and wants to go home to his grandmother, but no matter what she tries to do, she can't get him out. She can't figure out who's lying or telling the truth. She just doesn't want him medicated and shipped off to a group home, where she may not be able to visit him.<br /><br />Throughout his life, he's been in and out of foster care. He and his sister have been in the care of his grandmother for the last couple years. Lately, Josh has gotten in more and more trouble, leading to his being suspended from school for threatening a security guard. He has been pushed through the school system and now in the 9th grade, he still cannot even multiply by 2. Recently, one of his good friends was the victim of a gang related crime. He has been jumped at the park, and beaten up. Another of his friends who he borrowed money from threatened to kill him if he didn't pay him back. <br /><br />He doesn't understand the consequences of his actions, and in a place where the consequences of his actions are very serious. People expect him to understand, to act like a 15 year old, but he can't. Who knows? Maybe being in a group home may be what's best for him. I can't say. I don't have any answers for Josh or his poor grandmother. Please pray for them. Please pray that the system will not be so corrupt in this situation, that people who care will see the truth, and that the truth will matter. Pray that they can have faith that God is with them and is working things out.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1127240173947189102005-09-20T11:03:00.000-07:002005-09-20T11:16:13.953-07:00better days"and you asked me what i want this year<br />and i tried to make this kind and clear<br />just the chance that maybe we'd find better days<br />cuz i don't need boxes wrapped in strings<br />and designer love and empty things<br />just a chance that maybe we'd find better days<br />so take these words and sing out loud<br />cuz everyone is forgiven now<br />cuz tonight's the night the world begins again"<br />- goo goo dolls<br /><br />It's raining today. It feels nice. I don't know what it is about the rain. Brian really likes it but when it started yesterday, I have to admit, it seemed really ominous to me. It seemed to make the night darker and colder -- more sad. But today, it's different. I would have loved to stay in my warm bed this morning and doze while listening to the sounds of rolling thunder and raindrops hitting the roof, but I willed myself out and to work. Rain makes california a different world. It's nice for california to be a different world sometimes. I can't put my finger on it. I can't describe this feeling that comes with driving in the rain. Oh well, I'm sure people know what I'm talking about, and maybe some day I'll try harder to describe it. <br /><br />The goo goo dolls song seems pretty appropriate for the moment, for the people rebuilding lives and trying to make it after the storm, for all of us. Thank God for grace.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1124392132906654142005-08-18T12:07:00.000-07:002005-08-18T12:08:52.913-07:00"Who can discern his errors? <br />Forgive my hidden faults.<br /><br />Keep your servant also from willful sins; <br />may they not rule over me. <br />Then will I be blameless, <br />innocent of great transgression.<br /><br />May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart <br />be pleasing in your sight, <br />O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1123190931626682862005-08-04T14:25:00.000-07:002005-08-04T14:29:57.046-07:00learning from the pastI was reading about the atomic bomb because the 60th anniversary of hiroshima is this saturday right? So it was a BBC article quoting 3 of the guys that were part of dropping the bomb. Well, 2 out of the 3 were like "I don't regret anything I did, I think they deserved it", and that they were thinking that this was going to end the war, but they knew exactly how much damage the bomb could do before they dropped it. Do you think they have to say that so that they can live with themselves? Do you think they can actually believe it?<br /><br />At the same time I was reading an article about japanese school children who were going to visit the Hiroshima Peace Park and listen to stories of people who were there. They talked about how the children weren't taught about anything leading up to the bomb being dropped, but just how horrible it was when it did. None of the horrible things that were done by Japan during that time.<br /><br />Is there something wrong with this picture? Where is the learning from the past that needs to come from such a horrible event? Sigh.<br /><br />Maybe I can be consoled and say that the lesson learned is shown in the fact that there has been no atomic bombs dropped since then. Hopefully that learning will hold up. Lord have mercy.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1119684920963528372005-06-25T00:22:00.000-07:002005-06-25T00:35:23.323-07:00birthdaySo today was my birthday (well technically yesterday, but who really cares about that?). It was a good one. I'm not saying there's anything bad about having your birthday on a mission trip, which was where I spent my last two (if you consider LAUP a mission trip, as I do). In those situations, God always seems to surprise you and when you least expect it, does something to show you He loves you and you're not alone when you're feeling particularly alone. This year, God showed me how incredibly loved I am. I am for the first time around my friends from school, and for the first time in the same area as Brian on my birthday. I had to work, but I was amazingly productive and met a deadline that I thought was impossible. My co-workers were really great to me today, and quite a few wished me a happy birthday. Also many thanks to all those who emailed, called or sent me e-cards. I felt really special hearing from you, and am so thankful to have such wonderful friends. You all brought a big smile to my face. Then I got one of the sweetest cards ever from my wonderful boyfriend and got to spend the evening with him in one of my favorite places. It was awesome, and I'm feeling really content (although extremely exhausted). I'm about to get to bed, but wanted to share my happiness. Thanks again everyone. It was indeed a wonderful day.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1119041366421628832005-06-17T13:48:00.000-07:002005-06-17T13:49:26.426-07:00so sad<a href="http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-06-15-saving-baby-cover_x.htm">http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-06-15-saving-baby-cover_x.htm</a>mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1118197684139927732005-06-07T19:18:00.000-07:002005-06-20T09:22:14.026-07:00What's a Meme?I'm here with an assignment of sorts. <a href="http://www.squarefree.com/">Jesse</a> has passed a "musical baton" to me on his blog. He then IMed me just to make sure that I did it, so here I am.<br /><br />Let me just say that I am taking a very long time on this. I even lost most of my answers once and had to start over again. Please consider that I'm not very good at answering surveys. It takes me a long time because I think so hard about the answers before I give them, but they don't end up so great anyway. So I hope that you aren't expecting too much. But here goes:<br /><br /><strong>Total Volume of music files on my computer:</strong><br />706 MB in mp3s.<br /><br /><strong>Last CD I Bought:</strong><br />Technically, the last CD I bought was <a href="http://www.scottmccurry.com/">Scott Mccurry</a>'s "Like the Sun" at Target for 25 cents. It's not bad for 25 cents. It's not really the type of music I really enjoy but it's not bad. Actually most people that heard me play it (Brian, Jon, and James) all liked it a lot.<br /><br />The last CD I count as buying is the Goo Goo Dolls: Live in Buffalo. Ed got me a Best Buy gift certificate for Christmas and told me to buy something to play in the car as I drive down the 405. This CD is perfect for that. It's also great to listen to in general. I heart Goo Goo Dolls! (just to piss Jon off). I think it's all about their melodies. Listening to their songs just make me happy.<br /><br />(in the week and a half it took me to finish writing this, I also bought Jack Johnson's "In Between Dreams" I'm supposed to go pick it up at the post office this afternoon, so I don't exactly know how good it is yet although I've heard it played some before)<br /><br /><strong>Playing Right now:</strong><br />Actually, right now I am not playing anything, but what I've been listening to a lot lately has been Switchfoot's "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000089IYW/qid=1118938515/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/103-2684578-6459817">A Beautiful Letdown</a>", which my wonderful boyfriend lent me. :) It's really been speaking to me lately. The lyrics to the songs tell of something greater than this life and the struggle of living in a fallen world.<br /><br /><strong>Five Songs that Mean a lot to me:</strong><br />I guess this is hard because it's kinda time-dependent. Some songs currently mean a lot to me and some are all-time favorites. I guess I will do my best to accurately represent my tastes in music. It's weird, while I was doing this, I realized that for me in some cases it's a lot about the artists or genres, not so much about the individual songs. Just keep that in mind as you read this.<br /><br />1) "For the Moments I Feel Faint" by Relient K has helped me in quite a few hard times. I remember just turning it on really loud when I was feeling particularly crappy and repeating it over and over and over and over and just sitting there crying.<br /><br />2) Musically, I have loved the song "Crush" by Dave Matthews Band ever since I first heard it, not "Crash" mind you, but "Crush". It's so mellow and upbeat at the same time and it makes me happy when I hear it, especially the fiddle solo.<br /><br />3) It would be sad for me to not put a Matchbox Twenty on this, but it's hard to describe why I like them so much. I've been a Matchbox fan since early high school. I would have to say the song "Push", it is my favorite Matchbox Twenty song but I guess the words aren't the best. I love the way that Rob Thomas can make the words sound like they mean so much. Sad that most of his solo stuff isn't so great.<br /><br />4) "Angel" by Sarah McClachlan. Since I learned the chords, I've been playing the song on the piano (well, not lately cuz I don't have much access to pianos). It's incredibly therapeutic to play this song especially when I'm feeling sad, and I can sing like I mean it and after feel so much more hopeful, like I know that there's someone taking care of me when I can't take care of myself.<br /><br />5) hmm, I realize there's nothing "fun" in here, like the kind of music that you bob your head to (Although I probably bob my head to these songs anyway) I guess for this I would choose "American Girls" by Counting Crows. I like Counting Crows in general although they only have one song that isn't depressing. "American Girls" doesn't sound depressing, but if you listen to the lyrics, you'll find that it is. It doesn't change the fact that it sounds great.<br /><br /><strong>How I Discover good music:</strong><br />Some through friends or family, mostly through listening to the radio or looking on <a href="http://music.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music">myspace music</a> or <a href="http://launch.yahoo.com/launchcast/">launchcast</a> for artists that are similar to other artists. I like certain styles of music and I try to find artists that have that style.<br /><br />I am realizing that this musical baton doesn't even start to cover my musical tastes, but I don't know what would. I guess for the songs that mean a lot to me, I picked a couple that mean a lot to me and a couple that just represent the kind of music that I like. Maybe sometime I'll write another post about what kind of music I like. I'm sorry Jesse, if I didn't do your musical baton justice.mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1117649437243701522005-06-01T11:01:00.000-07:002005-06-01T11:10:37.250-07:00hope<strong> Psalm 62</strong><br /><br /> 1 My soul finds rest in God alone; <br />my salvation comes from him.<br /><br /> 2 He alone is my rock and my salvation; <br />he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.<br /><br /> 3 How long will you assault a man? <br />Would all of you throw him down— <br />this leaning wall, this tottering fence?<br /><br />. . .<br /> <br /> 5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; <br />my hope comes from him.<br /><br /> 6 He alone is my rock and my salvation; <br />he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.<br /> <br /> 7 My salvation and my honor depend on God; <br />he is my mighty rock, my refuge.<br /> <br /> 8 Trust in him at all times, O people; <br />pour out your hearts to him, <br />for God is our refuge. <br />Selah.<br /><br /><br /><br />"Twenty four oceans<br />Twenty four skies<br />Twenty four failures<br />Twenty four tries<br /><br />Twenty four finds me<br />In twenty-fourth place<br />Twenty four drop outs<br />At the end of the day<br /><br />Life is not what I thought it was<br />Twenty four hours ago<br />Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You<br /><br />And I'm not who I thought I was<br />twenty four hours ago<br />Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You<br /><br />Twenty four reasons<br />to admit that I'm wrong<br />With all my excuses<br />still twenty four strong<br /><br />See I'm not copping out<br />not copping out<br />not copping out<br />When You're raising the dead in me<br /><br />Oh, oh I am the second man<br />Oh, oh I am the second man now<br />Oh, oh I am the second man now<br /><br />And You're raising these twenty four voices<br />With twenty four hearts<br />With all of my symphonies<br />In twenty four parts<br /><br />But I want to be one today<br />Centered and true<br />I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You<br />You're raising the dead in me<br /><br />Oh, oh I am the second man<br />Oh, oh I am the second man now<br />Oh, oh I am the second man now<br />And You're raising the dead in me<br /><br />I want to see miracles,<br />see the world change<br />Wrestled the angel,<br />for more than a name<br />For more than a feeling<br />For more than a cause<br />I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You<br />And You're raising the dead in me<br /><br />Twenty four voices<br />With twenty four hearts<br />With all of my symphonies<br />In twenty four parts.<br /><br />I'm not copping out.<br />Not copping out.<br />Not copping out."mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1116889246283056322005-05-23T16:00:00.000-07:002005-05-23T16:00:46.283-07:00:)mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7630978.post-1116889210562532062005-05-23T15:59:00.000-07:002005-05-23T16:00:10.570-07:00<span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:180%;"><span style="font-size:85%;">"she told him that she believes in living<br />bigger than she's living now<br />but her world keeps spinning backwards<br />and upside-down"</span></span>mishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09078163031359935205noreply@blogger.com0