i don't have a title for this one

Jon reminded me today of my loyal fans who I seem to be depriving of information by not blogging. Sorry to disappoint :). There has just been so much to say that it gets exceedingly harder to express as days go by.

This last weekend Brian visited, I interviewed with Honeywell, went to the cancer center Christmas party/fundraising event, visited a church that I actually liked, listened to some servant partners teaching from Kevin Blue on dating, and got to spend time with more people than I've seen in a long time. You would think that from looking at my life, I would already realize that my life can change dramatically in the span of 4 days, but it seems I don't learn as quickly as I should. I feel like I'm in a place where everything is changing. There's not a great deal of stability. I guess the fact that everything is changing doesn't seem to be changing though, so maybe I can find comfort in that :). I look at most of my friends lives (Brian excluded, but even him because he seems to kinda know what he wants to do) and it just looks like their lives are more stable. They have things that they're committed to. They'll have a crazy weekend like me and be back to work on monday. There are good and bad things to that as well I realize. I am just finding it difficult to know where God wants me, or to know that God wants me where I am right now.

I found out that I am moving out of Sharon's place by the end of the month because she'll be moving to Korea. I'm really going to miss her :(. I'm not sure where I'm going to be working then. I'm not sure if I'm going home to Hawaii for Christmas but I'm leaning toward it.

I am currently feeling a little down about job prospects. I kinda regret turning down the job offer that I got (oh, I turned it down by the way) because I felt like I actually wanted to do that work. I am just afraid I'm going to end up sitting in a cubicle staring at a computer screen for 40 hours a week for the next who knows how many years. I do not look forward to doing that. I feel like I turned it down mostly because I didn't want to make a decision. I felt I could put off the decision more by not taking it, then I wouldn't have to start right away, I could still wait to commit. Thinking about the future gives me this sick feeling inside. Maybe that's why I'm stuck in a place where everything is unstable. Who knows? Pray that God leads me to something that I won't hate and that I can know it's where I'm supposed to be.

This weekend was amazing as far as seeing God. That was really good because I totally needed it. I went into it in a kind of funk. I kinda fell into it after thanksgiving because I was really tired after all the hosting and stuff. I was really encouraged by a number of conversations I had this weekend as well as the experience at the church I went to. Brian and I visited a mennonite church on sunday in Inglewood. It was crazy awesome. I'd say like 90% of the congregation was black and there was incredible gospel music throughout the service, good teaching, and a great community. I felt like I could worship God freely and sincerely. It was the most sincere I have felt in worship in a long time. I really liked the fact that it seemed like they did so much with the little that they had. Maybe I'll go there again sometime.

IT seems like God has been speaking to me a lot of words of wisdom this weekend. This might seem kinda weird and out of nowhere, but I keep entertaining these thoughts of speaking and teaching these things to other people, like that's what I'm wanting to do. I don't know what to do with that (maybe I'll be a pastor yet). Again, who knows?

Alright, I still have all these random thoughts in my head, but I don't know exactly how to write them down at the moment. I hope that this satisfies my audience for the time being. Pray for all the peeps out in Claremont working hard on papers and studying for those finals. Peace.