Saturday, October 30, 2004

Thursday, October 28, 2004

my good friend jon

I guess I just wanted to write an entry about Jon. He's feeling a little down lately and he's kinda in a bunch of crappy situations. I have just been feeling in awe of what an amazing person he is and I wanted to share that with everyone. Jon is truly an amazing friend. For as long as I've known him, he's been a really strong Christian, firm in his faith while being kind and compassionate to everyone. I've never met anyone as good at that as he is. His sacrificial love stuns me sometimes. He's nursed me back to health on several occasions, always been there when I needed someone to listen, carried me when I was freaked out by the worms :), never stopped caring about me even when I was being selfish and doing stupid things. I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for him, and I might not even be here today if it weren't for his prayers. I don't tell him this much, more often I rag on him because I'm frustrated at him for some stupid reason. But I am so thankful that Jon is my friend, I think he is one of the greatest friends a person could have. I don't know what I'd do without him. I'm sorry for all the times I've said otherwise. You are very loved Jon and I'm praying for you.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

happy birthday!

Tomorrow or today in Uganda is Brian's 23rd birthday . . . happy birthday babe! It's also my mom's birthday . . . happy birthday mommy! and Tiari's birthday . . . happy birthday Tiari! (although it's definitely been a while since I've talked to Tiari, and she probably won't be reading this). And if anyone else is born on October 28th and is reading this, happy birthday to you too!

My life has been filled with drama. Drama about work, drama about future work, drama about the test, drama about any of my plans in general, other people's drama, almost any different kind of drama you could think of. Sharon keeps saying that my life is amusing because of all the drama in it. I would like to see what it would be like without it for a little bit, maybe just a little bit. I am pretty certain though that things will turn out okay, more than just okay actually. God's got everything under control, so I don't have to give myself an ulcer worrying about everything the way that I'm so good at worrying about things. Pray for me. I need to stop being so worked up and get some rest.

There is a lot I could write, I haven't updated in a long time, but I think I'll just leave it for a while. I don't have too much time to write, so I won't be happy with what gets posted anyway. Hopefully some more informative posts will come. Night everyone.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

rain and stuff

I had a really cool experience tonight. I was driving home on the freeway and it started to rain. Then "Did you feel the mountains tremble" came on the radio. I turned it up really loud and sang at the top of my lungs driving down the empty freeway with the rain coming down. It felt so good. I felt like I was really praising God. I am pretty sure this is the first time I've seen it rain since I've been back. I think it must have rained one night because when I got up one morning, the street, driveways and cars were all wet. But this is the first time I've seen it rain here since I got back. Quite a change from the daily thunderstorms and occasional hail of Colorado Springs. It feels nice. Right now I'm listening to it outside my window and I know that I'm not going to have any problems falling asleep tonight :).

Tonight I went to Chris's apartment and got to hang out with him and the Gaeblers. It was so cool to see them. We made spam musubi (cuz Chris remembered how we made it spring break freshman year), had caramel apples, talked nerdy (I feel bad cuz I must have grimaced every 15 minutes (I think it's at the point where no matter who I'm with, whenever someone says something nerdy, people turn to look at how I'm going to react . . . I'm trying to be more tolerant, I will get better, I hope)), caught up some, and watched "Chariots of Fire" which I had never seen before. It was great. A good night. Now with the rain and the cool drive home, it's officially a great night.

That's another thing, I realized today that I really like driving. If gas didn't cost so darn much, I wouldn't feel so bad about driving so much to work or to wherever. It's kinda nice, a good time to reflect or to pray. I think the thing that really helps is that I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not intimidated by it. I am realizing the key was my mom coming here, riding around with me, and telling me that I'm a good driver. Ever since I started driving, my mom has told me that my driving made her nervous and that I'm not ready to drive on freeways and stuff. That made me really nervous about driving. I think it makes a big difference to me that my mom thinks I drive well. Thanks Mommy.

I'm pretty sure that everyone reading this already knows this but I sent out an email to people in response to my blog entry about my getting a job. I was blown away because I got so many responses to that email. I didn't know that people cared that much to know what was going on for me. Thank you so much everyone. I feel so blessed and I appreciate all your prayers and thoughtful advice. I also think that Josh and Jordy have a point about the person getting the job should be the one treating others instead of the other way around, so as soon as I get myself a place, I'm throwing a party. (Just to let you know, I have no idea when I'm getting a place, but but as soon as I do, there WILL be a party).

I guess that's it. God is amazing, I am in wonder. I am praying that He will show Himself to all of you as well. Good night!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004


So, I got offered a job today, an actual job, an actual engineering job. Wow! That feels weird to me. Joshdan said that he's going to buy me a drink :). I might have to hold you to that Josh. Anyway, I just don't know what to do. There are lots of pros and cons, and right now I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I don't actually think it's that big of a decision, but it's making me think about all this stuff about the rest of my life. It's making me depressed because after talking with my mom, I feel like I'm going to be owned by my parents for the rest of my life and I won't be able to do what I really want to do, which is help people. I remember the faces of the children in Honduras who live in shacks and won't have many opportunities in life, and I will not just sit in my big house living comfortably when there are people starving to death.

Okay, that was my rant. I ranted a lot tonight. I think I feel better now. I like ranting cuz it gets out what you really feel about something. I mean, you're not going to make your decision totally off of what you feel, but it's good to get it out, and then people can know how you're feeling. So, I still don't know what I'm going to do about the job. Pray for me that I can know what God wants and that I can make a good decision. Pray also that somehow things will work out that I can be happy and not totally piss my parents off, cuz I do care about what they think, and I don't want to fight about things forever. I have hope that God wants me to live a good life, where I enjoy the things I do and can serve him faithfully with what I do. Praise God.

Friday, October 08, 2004

feeling better

yeah, God's good. I have nothing figured out, but I know it will be okay, and that's all I need to know. I know Jon will hate me for putting this here, but I'm kinda feeling like the lyrics to "Hand in my Pocket" right now, so here they are:

“I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah (I like that line)
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign"


Patience. Hope. Sigh.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

haha, seems my blogging run was short lived

Yeah, I haven't felt much like blogging lately, but tonight I do, so here goes. Lately, I've been in a "feeling lonely even though surrounded by lots of people" mood. I got to talk to Greggy tonight though. I felt really encouraged. I feel like I was really reminded that sometimes I am understood. It brought up something with me though. Sorry to use our conversation as an example Greg, but too bad. So, Often when I have really encouraging conversations with people I really like talking to, instead of thanking them for an awesome conversation, I tend to get really self-deprecating, or apologetic. I always apologize for rambling and taking up their time and stuff like that. I then put the other person in the position of having to reassure me that I'm not, and if they don't reassure me, I tend to get more insecure. It's really stupid because I feel like it makes really encouraging times not so encouraging anymore. Also, it creates this hierarchy that doesn't really exist. I feel like in my mind, I will then put that person above myself, and think of them as the "giver"and me as the "reciever" when those roles aren't necessarily there. I think that in my example, Greg and I both got a lot out of the conversation (right Greg?) :), and there's no reason for me to think otherwise. Part of me thinks it's another "asian culture" thing, and I notice that in the same circumstances, whenever someone apologizes to me, I'm really quick to reassure them that there's nothing to apologize for. In any case, it's annoying, and I feel like it makes it hard to have really good times with people I really like talking to and spending time with. I feel like in saying this, I'm voicing a problem that many people struggle with, probably more than I do. I guess I just want to put it out there instead of running through it in my head. It probably does more good. Also, I want to say, that if an asian friend that gets all apologetic in a conversation, try to be quick to reassure them that you're getting a lot out of the conversation too, unless you aren't and in that case, there are other issues that I don't have time to address in this blog entry. And I think we also need to be less insecure. I think that's a topic that I also don't have enough time to blog about.

Anyway, long story short, it was good to talk to Greg. Hip hop class was really fun today, I just wish it was longer. There can never be too much dancing!

Lately, I've also been realizing how fun it is to learn (but at my own pace, not like at school where professors try to cram as much information into you as they could). At work I feel like I have to constantly learn new things, I love it. Today, as I was studying for the EIT, I was reviewing mechanics right, and how to use Mohr's circle again and deal with 3 dimensional stresses and stuff, and it made me kinda excited :). Man, I sound like such a nerd. Not much else going on. I want to send a shout-out to Sharon's mom although she will never read this, but she works so incredibly hard in this house, I just want to give her props :). Maybe I should get off this whole "shout-out" thing. But it's fun, and it's not old yet. But now it is, so no more after this one :). Peace.