I guess there's a lot to write. I hate it because I don't have anything figured out, so I think all that's going to come out is a incoherent mess, but that seems to be how it always is.
I went to visit Brian in Medford this last week, just got back last night. His grandfather passed away last thursday. It was amazing to see how much good God was doing through it. Brian's grandpa was a great man and his life impacted so many people. I am very blessed to have been able to witness that as I mourned and celebrated with the family. As Brian and I were praying the last night I was there, he prayed that we would be able to have a life even half as amazing as his grandfather's, to be able to touch people that way. I keep praying that prayer.
I also feel like God really wanted to bring up for me the struggle that I have in trusting Him with my family. I am still struggling, but I know that I still need to wrestle with it. It was good to get to really think and pray about it in the last week. Please pray that God will show me something, that I can understand what I need to or trust what I know of God.
My life seems more confusing than ever now. Somehow I thought going to visit Brian would settle some things. I have a lot to think about. Coming back here doesn't seem to be helping much. There's so much going on here that it seems I don't even have time to think. I've been fighting being overwhelmed since I got here last night and I seem to be losing that battle. It was really good to spend time with Brian and his family, to experience life with them, but now that all seems so far away and life is so different now, just a day later. I am finding it really hard to trust and am feeling a little impatient. I'm supposed to make my job decision very very soon even though I feel like I've already made it. I really need God's perspective because I feel so overwhelmed, I miss having peace. Please pray for me.