waking up

I feel like every night, I have some sort of unsettling dream. I wake up and can't seem to shake that feeling. I brush my teeth and get dressed mechanically and grab my lunch and get out the door as soon as I can. Somehow the day starts and the feeling never completely goes away, then I go back to sleep and to dreaming again. I feel like I kinda live in a dream, and it's not a very good one. The funny thing is that Brian always tells me my life would be so much better off if I could do lucid dreaming and control what my actual dreams are about, but what I do instead is let go any of the control that I have over my life and they turn into the dreams I fear so much. Maybe I have to learn how to control my life better first. I need to not believe that all my fears are real. The thing I'm wondering is do I make up the crap that I'm afraid of, or does it come from someplace else?

anticlimactic

I got internet at my apartment and wanted to blog and announce it to the world. But blogger was down, and so I decided not to post for several days again. Haha.

huh?

I really should start eating breakfast at home. I just feel like I don't have enough time, even to make toast or something. I just want to grab something and leave cuz I always feel like I'm running late (that might have something to do with setting my alarm for about half an hour before I have to be at work). Anyway, because I was really hungry this morning, I bought a little package of those chocolate covered pre-packaged donuts that Brian likes so much from the snack shop(don't ask me why I did this, for some reason I just wanted those). Anyway, I ATE THEM ALL!!! I mean there were only like 5 or 6 of them, and they were little. But now I am regretting my decision. I am sitting here feeling the surge of sugar through me and and the heaviness of eating 80% (no exaggeration) of my daily intake of saturated fat. Ick.

"been so many places, seen so many faces,
always on my way to something new . . .
but it doesn't matter, cuz no matter where I go,
every road leads back,
every road just seems to lead me back to you."

hi

So yeah, it's been a long time. I don't have internet at home yet, so it's a little tough. I've also been really busy since I started working and it seems I don't have time for anything. Maybe when things settle down a little more, and maybe I get some kind of internet service going, I'll post more. Life seems different now, kinda surreal. I think maybe the lack of sleep has something to do with that. I'm praying a lot about purpose and what I'm supposed to be doing. If you still read my blog, please pray for me too.