Thursday, April 28, 2005

waking up

I feel like every night, I have some sort of unsettling dream. I wake up and can't seem to shake that feeling. I brush my teeth and get dressed mechanically and grab my lunch and get out the door as soon as I can. Somehow the day starts and the feeling never completely goes away, then I go back to sleep and to dreaming again. I feel like I kinda live in a dream, and it's not a very good one. The funny thing is that Brian always tells me my life would be so much better off if I could do lucid dreaming and control what my actual dreams are about, but what I do instead is let go any of the control that I have over my life and they turn into the dreams I fear so much. Maybe I have to learn how to control my life better first. I need to not believe that all my fears are real. The thing I'm wondering is do I make up the crap that I'm afraid of, or does it come from someplace else?

2 comments:

James D said...

Whoa, lucid dreaming. I tried to do that for a while. It's cool when it happens, but I can't see how it would make your life better. I think your life controls your dreams, not the other way around. At least, that's the way it should be.

D-double-J Boye said...

it can be scary to not have control over stuff in your real life, as well as in your dreams... but it's important to remember that you're never really in control of either, no matter how much you think you might be (and no matter how hard you try to be in control). If you can develop some trust that God does have you in His hands, you probably will sleep a lot better.

'cause He does. :-)