Thursday, April 28, 2005
I feel like every night, I have some sort of unsettling dream. I wake up and can't seem to shake that feeling. I brush my teeth and get dressed mechanically and grab my lunch and get out the door as soon as I can. Somehow the day starts and the feeling never completely goes away, then I go back to sleep and to dreaming again. I feel like I kinda live in a dream, and it's not a very good one. The funny thing is that Brian always tells me my life would be so much better off if I could do lucid dreaming and control what my actual dreams are about, but what I do instead is let go any of the control that I have over my life and they turn into the dreams I fear so much. Maybe I have to learn how to control my life better first. I need to not believe that all my fears are real. The thing I'm wondering is do I make up the crap that I'm afraid of, or does it come from someplace else?