Tuesday, October 05, 2004

haha, seems my blogging run was short lived

Yeah, I haven't felt much like blogging lately, but tonight I do, so here goes. Lately, I've been in a "feeling lonely even though surrounded by lots of people" mood. I got to talk to Greggy tonight though. I felt really encouraged. I feel like I was really reminded that sometimes I am understood. It brought up something with me though. Sorry to use our conversation as an example Greg, but too bad. So, Often when I have really encouraging conversations with people I really like talking to, instead of thanking them for an awesome conversation, I tend to get really self-deprecating, or apologetic. I always apologize for rambling and taking up their time and stuff like that. I then put the other person in the position of having to reassure me that I'm not, and if they don't reassure me, I tend to get more insecure. It's really stupid because I feel like it makes really encouraging times not so encouraging anymore. Also, it creates this hierarchy that doesn't really exist. I feel like in my mind, I will then put that person above myself, and think of them as the "giver"and me as the "reciever" when those roles aren't necessarily there. I think that in my example, Greg and I both got a lot out of the conversation (right Greg?) :), and there's no reason for me to think otherwise. Part of me thinks it's another "asian culture" thing, and I notice that in the same circumstances, whenever someone apologizes to me, I'm really quick to reassure them that there's nothing to apologize for. In any case, it's annoying, and I feel like it makes it hard to have really good times with people I really like talking to and spending time with. I feel like in saying this, I'm voicing a problem that many people struggle with, probably more than I do. I guess I just want to put it out there instead of running through it in my head. It probably does more good. Also, I want to say, that if an asian friend that gets all apologetic in a conversation, try to be quick to reassure them that you're getting a lot out of the conversation too, unless you aren't and in that case, there are other issues that I don't have time to address in this blog entry. And I think we also need to be less insecure. I think that's a topic that I also don't have enough time to blog about.

Anyway, long story short, it was good to talk to Greg. Hip hop class was really fun today, I just wish it was longer. There can never be too much dancing!

Lately, I've also been realizing how fun it is to learn (but at my own pace, not like at school where professors try to cram as much information into you as they could). At work I feel like I have to constantly learn new things, I love it. Today, as I was studying for the EIT, I was reviewing mechanics right, and how to use Mohr's circle again and deal with 3 dimensional stresses and stuff, and it made me kinda excited :). Man, I sound like such a nerd. Not much else going on. I want to send a shout-out to Sharon's mom although she will never read this, but she works so incredibly hard in this house, I just want to give her props :). Maybe I should get off this whole "shout-out" thing. But it's fun, and it's not old yet. But now it is, so no more after this one :). Peace.


Anonymous said...

I suppose that means that I'll have to find a way to make it through life without you giving me a "shout-out." Oh well.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and that's me by the way...