Monday, September 13, 2004

stuff to think about

Today was a hard day. I felt anxious and a little annoyed all day, and then a lot of little things kept happening that really got to me. It's like you can take a few bad things, but when they all happen at once, it gets to you and you feel like you want to explode. So that's how today was for me. I decided then to go for a jog, cuz I thought I could take out my aggression that way and somehow get a better perspective on things. So I left, and I found that the sidewalk was closed on the route that I usually take, which made me a little more upset, and I just ended up jogging around the park. Actually, I jogged for a bit, but I ended up walking around the park.

I was so upset, and it just seemed that every different train of thought I started became negative. I was just angry about everything, and wanted to complain about everything in my life. Some random thought made me think of Jonah and how he disobeys God and complains to God about everything in his life. I can really relate to Jonah. Kinda sad, but it might be one of the characters in the bible that I am the most like. (I took a personality test once that told me that one of the people in the bible with my personality is Jonah, but that's a different story) Anyway, it made me think about how things are hard, and I don't necessarily WANT to be where God wants me to be because it's pretty painful; I mean for Jonah, the path that took him to prophesy to Ninevah could have been really hard, and maybe that's the reason he decided not to do it (probably isn't, but could have been). I guess it's pretty obvious what the right conclusion to that train of thought is, but sometimes it's really hard to convince yourself that where God wants you is the place you need to be even though it sucks. I prayed and asked God to help me to believe it, and help me to change the way I was seeing things.

It's amazing how my thoughts changed after that. I thought about how yesterday I feel like I was refreshed a little, getting a glimpse of God again after not really seeing Him for a while. I wanted to put more effort into making some changes in my life and aligning my life to be more like Jesus. I remembered how often opposition comes right after revelation, that these hard things may have been there to test my faith in the things God has been revealing to me. I also was able to remember God's amazing love for me, how He cares about the things going on in my life, so it's not like I really have to worry about where He puts me, because "He works everything out for the good of those who love Him and who are called by His purpose." It was really nice to walk in the park too. It's a pretty park, the wind was blowing (I love the wind) and I just felt at peace. Sigh. Thanks God.

I was thinking about something else today too. I was thinking about the people I hang out with, and have realized a trend. I have always seen either a group of all Christians or mostly Christians with one or two non-Christians, or a group where I'm pretty much the only Christian. I guess in all my experience this has been the case, not only the groups I hang out with, but also in groups my friends have described to me. I don't like either of these situations. In the first, there's always this tendency for Christians to be exclusive and get into the Christian culture and make other people feel uncomfortable. But in the other situation, I often feel like if I make decisions based on what I am convicted to do, people see me as thinking I'm too good for them. I don't have accountability and fellowship in those groups at all. Hmm, I guess it's pretty much just the tendency of Christians to hang out with Christians, and non-Christians to hang out with non-Christians, and the fact that no one really wants to mix. Often when a Christian mixes with a group of non-Christians, he tends to compromise a lot of his beliefs. It's interesting to think about. I love Christian people, and I love non-Christian people, I love hanging out with everybody. I don't really know why it has to be so difficult. I guess I don't have much more to share on this topic. I don't have too many clear answers. Just thought I'd throw it out there cuz I was thinking about it.

1 comment:

jon said...

two thoughts

First of all, I totally get what you're saying about Jonah. I thought of one other thing to remember about what he did - he didn't do God's will cause he thought something about it would be hard, but when he chose a path outside of God's will, it ended up being way way worse (storm - ocean - whale).

Also, I think the situations you end up in (as far as Christians and non-Christians) will tend to get mixed up more as you get into the adult world. Mudd happened to be a fairly atheist school, but at other places (for me, CGU) the Christian/non-Christian population was a lot more mixed. And at work, the number of people who are actively following God vs. the number who actively follow other things seems to be quite split, and I've even seen people change between them over time.