wow, two days in a row

Yeah, believe me, I'm shocked too. I dunno, just feeling kinda thoughtful tonight. It's a good thoughtful though, not a bad thoughtful. People seem to be feeling down tonight. Lots of talk of feeling lost. Somehow in the midst of that, I'm feeling surprisingly hopeful. I feel like God is here. We're all lost, but God is here. Isn't that amazing? God is here. It's strange because I've been feeling kinda far away from God the last couple months, like my life is going, but I don't quite know where God is in the midst of that. But I keep living, praying, and looking. I see glimpses every once in a while. You know, those "wow!" moments. I love those. I guess tonight is one of those. Actually, I've been having a lot of them recently. It's awesome. I've been realizing that going through hard times helps you to see things so much clearer. I think that what the hard times I went through this last year has taught me the most is that God will never leave. So, He's here, and He's not going anywhere. Although we all feel lost, He's leading us someplace. So have hope! I've also been seeing how having experienced hard times really helps you to sympathize with, and encourage others. I pray that I will have more opportunity to do that.

Okay, completely different topic. So we had alumni bible study last night right? And we were studying Hebrews 2:5-18. Studying Hebrews is pretty hard, but really rewarding when you finally get something after hitting your head against it for a long time. It was awesome. Anyway, me and Jon had this really weird moment in Bible study. You know when you think of something really funny in Bible study. So I was reading "so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death--that is, the devil" (part of Hebrews 2:14) and I was wondering "how does that work?" and all I saw in my head was the scene from the end of the third Matrix where Neo gets "injected" by Smith and that's how he destroys him. So I started laughing (the scene by the way did not help me to understand more how that whole thing works). But later, when sharing about why I was laughing, I was saying "how does that work?", and Jon goes, "Well, if you've seen the third Matrix movie . . ." I mean, it seems to me a very rational thing to think when reading that passage, I think that most people would think of the third matrix movie in that context (hmm, is that weird?), but I thought it was funny the way it happened.

Oh, another totally different topic . . . Ed told me tonight that he has become a fan of my blog, so I want to send a shout-out to Ed, my new fan. Much love to all my other loyal fans too! :)

it's been a while

I've been meaning to get to write in here for a while, but I never get to it. I was talking to Jon the other night about how he doesn't live "real life" anymore because all he does is blog or read and comment on other people's blogs. I guess I've been living too much "real life" so I don't get a chance to blog :). It's been good. I've gotten to babysit twice this week. I love it! Greg and Lauren are great, and it's teaching me a lot about responsibility and patience, and how to handle hard situations. I feel like I've been able to talk and hang out with a lot of people and that's been pretty encouraging too. I've been realizing how easy life is for me here. At times I wish I were doing something more exciting or crazy like Brian and Greg. Sometimes I wish that because when you're doing stuff like that, you tend to worry about yourself less, you think less about your problems and relationship issues because you're surrounded by so much need.

Somehow I feel like right now God wants me to be here, where I do kinda have to think about stuff. I think He wants me here especially for the relationships. I feel like I've been seeing just how important relationship is, to people, and to God. How much of a blessing it's been for me to get to keep in touch with so many people and grow in my friendships with them, and how much you're able to help and encourage others through your friendships with them. I am praying that I can be doing the most with where God has put me.

Will a.k.a. "If there's a Will, there's a way" (I hate myself)

I guess it's been a while since I posted at all, and it's been even longer since I've posted last about the interns. There's just one left. I'm sorry it's taken me so long, but here is the last installment of the eMi intern files. Maybe I've been saving the best for last ;). Anyway, it's all about Will. Will's the only one of us left in Colorado Springs. He's interning till December or something. Will's from Idaho, the closest one of all of us to Colorado Springs. He also worked at Noah's Ark rafting company as a rafting guide. He got us some awesome deals on white-water rafting.

Because he worked around there and knew people, he had friends coming to visit and he'd be going back and forth to guide on the weekends. Will was commenting to me one friday as we were walking to the Marian House (soup kitchen) that he was feeling a little funny about knowing other people around, like it was harder for him to really get into the "intern experience" because not everything was brand-new to him. I can kinda understand what he was talking about now. I feel like I'm kinda in a familiar place but doing very new things and it feels a little weird. I don't think that you missed out on very much though Will. It was really awesome to hang out with Will this summer. I feel like he is someone that I really would like to have gotten to know better. Even though he won't stand around at work and talk about it for hours while we're supposed to be working (he has a lot of integrity in his work), you can tell he really cares about what's going on for you. I would remember as he would walk by my desk to fill up his double gulp cup, he would ask me how things were going. It wasn't difficult to get into a serious conversation with him, because it's like he wasn't afraid to get under the surface, even though he didn't know you very well. Thanks Will. I also remember the first time we went rafting, we met up with a couple of his friends and I had one of the most encouraging conversations of the summer with one of his friends who I had just met. It was like God showing His goodness to me. Will is good people and Will knows good people.

I don't know if I should really put this down here cuz I am not sure Amanda knows yet, but if she doesn't, Will don't show her my blog. Anyway, Will is planning on proposing to his girlfriend Amanda very soon. He's working really hard to be able to afford a ring. And he's planning to invite all of us to his wedding (he better be at least!).

Okay, so from all this serious stuff I'm writing about Will, you must think that he's a pretty serious kind of guy. I don't know about that one. I guess he might be one of those complicated people because he can be completely serious, but be the least serious at the same time. We'll be having a serious discussion about something and then he'll make a terrible joke keeping a completely serious look on his face. Will is great a dry humor. Actually, I wouldn't say great because he must be funny only less than half the times he tries to be :). I miss his trying to tell jokes and getting to mock him because his jokes aren't funny.

Will lived with Ho-Jun this summer. I mean they were housemates, so he got some of the korean experience, however it seems that Will is lousy at korean. I think by the end of the summer Will knew exactly 4 korean words I think. 2 of which were kim-chee and bu-gol-gi. He would show off his korean knowledge by chanting "kim-chee bu-gol-gi kim-chee bu-gol-gi", and we'd all laugh at him. Good try Ho-Jun.

Anyway, I wanted to come up with a better nickname for Will. I didn't want to use the same one, so I used one to appeal to all those pun-lovers. The "Blue-Steel" nickname was all because Will tries to do the blue-steel pose for the camera pretty often, and I have to say is the best out of all of the interns at doing it. I don't know if that is saying much. I guess that's it. I think I must have left out a lot of stuff. I'm sorry Will if I have. It's what I get for procrastinating so long. I can write more later if something comes to me. It was good talking to you yesterday, and I wish you the best. Remember, invitations to the wedding . . .

what are the chances?

Usually I'm not so crazy about online quizzes, but this one turned out pretty well.

You're Hawaii!

When they first meet you, few people can tell whether you want to say hello or goodbye. Either way, most of them will end up saying that you're their favorite person to visit, if only they could afford the trip. But your soft and warm image is
belied by an explosive undercurrent in your personality than can leave you drenched with tears or boiling with anger for days on end. You are rather fond of using plants as clothing.


Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

ick

Man, today was the climax of my bad week. I got the most horrible cramps at work today. So bad the pain made me lightheaded and weak and I dropped a cup of hot water on the floor while a co-worker was talking to me. I wanted to die. Anyway, they made me go home cuz I was so out of it. I was really thankful, but then because of an accident on the freeway, I was stuck in LA traffic going less than 5 mph for an hour and a half. I was crying and swearing for most of it, and it sucked. Sigh, eventually I got back to Sharon's, and proceeded to pass out for 2 hours. I'm feeling a little better now. At least this explains why the rest of my week has been so bad, why I've been so tired/frustrated the last few days, and should also mean that the next few weeks should be nice.

stuff to think about

Today was a hard day. I felt anxious and a little annoyed all day, and then a lot of little things kept happening that really got to me. It's like you can take a few bad things, but when they all happen at once, it gets to you and you feel like you want to explode. So that's how today was for me. I decided then to go for a jog, cuz I thought I could take out my aggression that way and somehow get a better perspective on things. So I left, and I found that the sidewalk was closed on the route that I usually take, which made me a little more upset, and I just ended up jogging around the park. Actually, I jogged for a bit, but I ended up walking around the park.

I was so upset, and it just seemed that every different train of thought I started became negative. I was just angry about everything, and wanted to complain about everything in my life. Some random thought made me think of Jonah and how he disobeys God and complains to God about everything in his life. I can really relate to Jonah. Kinda sad, but it might be one of the characters in the bible that I am the most like. (I took a personality test once that told me that one of the people in the bible with my personality is Jonah, but that's a different story) Anyway, it made me think about how things are hard, and I don't necessarily WANT to be where God wants me to be because it's pretty painful; I mean for Jonah, the path that took him to prophesy to Ninevah could have been really hard, and maybe that's the reason he decided not to do it (probably isn't, but could have been). I guess it's pretty obvious what the right conclusion to that train of thought is, but sometimes it's really hard to convince yourself that where God wants you is the place you need to be even though it sucks. I prayed and asked God to help me to believe it, and help me to change the way I was seeing things.

It's amazing how my thoughts changed after that. I thought about how yesterday I feel like I was refreshed a little, getting a glimpse of God again after not really seeing Him for a while. I wanted to put more effort into making some changes in my life and aligning my life to be more like Jesus. I remembered how often opposition comes right after revelation, that these hard things may have been there to test my faith in the things God has been revealing to me. I also was able to remember God's amazing love for me, how He cares about the things going on in my life, so it's not like I really have to worry about where He puts me, because "He works everything out for the good of those who love Him and who are called by His purpose." It was really nice to walk in the park too. It's a pretty park, the wind was blowing (I love the wind) and I just felt at peace. Sigh. Thanks God.

I was thinking about something else today too. I was thinking about the people I hang out with, and have realized a trend. I have always seen either a group of all Christians or mostly Christians with one or two non-Christians, or a group where I'm pretty much the only Christian. I guess in all my experience this has been the case, not only the groups I hang out with, but also in groups my friends have described to me. I don't like either of these situations. In the first, there's always this tendency for Christians to be exclusive and get into the Christian culture and make other people feel uncomfortable. But in the other situation, I often feel like if I make decisions based on what I am convicted to do, people see me as thinking I'm too good for them. I don't have accountability and fellowship in those groups at all. Hmm, I guess it's pretty much just the tendency of Christians to hang out with Christians, and non-Christians to hang out with non-Christians, and the fact that no one really wants to mix. Often when a Christian mixes with a group of non-Christians, he tends to compromise a lot of his beliefs. It's interesting to think about. I love Christian people, and I love non-Christian people, I love hanging out with everybody. I don't really know why it has to be so difficult. I guess I don't have much more to share on this topic. I don't have too many clear answers. Just thought I'd throw it out there cuz I was thinking about it.

weekend

Okay, so I didn't take any pictures. I was not very motivated to because I left my camera in the van from the start of the trip because there was too much stuff to unload. It was pretty fun though. It wasn't the "getting away to nature" kind of trip I was expecting. You have to laugh at the southern california nature in comparison to most other places (I miss colorado and hawaii!). We couldn't swim in the lake because they used it as a drinking water source or something and so we couldn't pollute it although they didn't really regulate the kinds of boats going in it. Anyway, it was really hot, and overall an "okay" camping trip. One really cool thing though was that the stars were great. I couldn't even tell where the big dipper was cuz there were so many stars that I wouldn't normally see. It was beautiful! It made me really thankful, although at the time, the people I was walking with were trying to freak each other out and it was a little distracting.

Anyway, we got back today and I went to the first alumni bible study. It was awesome! There were only 4 people there, me, Rosey, Jon, and James. We studied Luke 7:24-35. I don't think I've ever studied that passage inductively before. I feel like it made me think about really cool things that I haven't thought about in a long time. Strange, but it feels like it's been forever since I really thought about grace. Such a fundamental idea in the Christian life, but when I thought about it again, it surprised me and seemed really new to me that our place in the kingdom of God has nothing to do with us, but only to do with the grace we're given from God. Then God showed me something really applicable to my life right now in his metaphor about the people of this generation. "They are like children sitting in the marketplace and calling out to each other: "We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we wailed, and you did not weep." -Luke 7:32. Jesus emphasizes the importance of rejoicing with others when they rejoice and mourning with others when they mourn. I thought about the way I've been feeling about
people lately (like what I posted on my last blog entry), and I definitely haven't been so sympathetic. I think especially about the mourning when others mourn thing. People have
People have been talking to me a lot lately about relationships they feel negatively about, that they're not happy about the way things are going. Whenever I hear them talk about that, it just makes me think of all the relationships in my life that I feel really crappy about.There are way too many, and it makes me sad, but I think for the wrong reasons. So I think I have been running away from those people, even though that's like the opposite of compassion. We talked in the bible study about how to deal with that, and we came to the conclusion that we need to be at a place where we've come to terms with the hard stuff that's going on in our lives, so that we are able to help others. Not that it's going away anytime soon, but we can't just keep pushing all that stuff on the side and not deal with it. At least we need to come to a place where we have a peace that God can and will take care of it. So I'm going to try to apply it, and not run away from the hard stuff.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good after that. God's really good about showing you what you need to know when you need to know it :).

tired

Today was really draining. I'm not quite sure why. I just got hit with this extreme fatigue tonight. Sigh . . . I opened a bank account this morning and was hit with the fact that I don't know where I'll be living in about a month and a half. My parents don't give me much room to forget that fact too. So I stepped up the job hunting today and applied for 8 more on monstertrak. Hopefully I'll find something soon. But when I was finally filling out the paperwork to get paid today at my temporary job, Karl (the office manager) was saying that if I'm still here in 3 months, he'll have to do something about insurance. They don't seem in a hurry to get rid of me. Although the situation is a little hectic, especially with the traffic, it seems like it's a place for me to be right now. I also realized this morning that I haven't really been giving things over to God. I've been letting them get me frustrated, but not really asking God about them. I tried today. I feel like I'm not sure again what it means to give something over to God, but that usually happens when you're trying to do that. We'll see what happens :).

I just feel kinda overwhelmed today, and I really don't understand why. It's not like I'm doing very much, but I have no energy to do stuff or talk to people, and I just feel like people only have negative things to talk about. People like to talk about what they see wrong with their lives and what they need. I guess my blog entry is mostly like that right now (funny huh?). I don't think it's bad in general. I think that we need to talk about the things we're not satisfied with, but I'm feeling like I need to be more thankful for stuff. When you're thankful, everything seems better.

So anyway, tomorrow I'm going to korean aerobics (bright and early) and run some errands, pack, then off camping. I don't know where we're going camping or really who we're going camping with (except Sharon and Ed and that the rest of them are from anime expo). It should be good though. I'm looking forward to some time with nature, taking in God's beauty. We are gonna get to go fishing! I also got the EIT review manual in the mail today, so we're taking that camping with us :). I'll try to take some pictures so I can share with everyone when I get back :).

stuff

Things have been confusing lately. I feel like I'm not doing enough and feeling like I'm doing too much at the same time. I've expressed this to a few people already. Today, I took some time to pray and read the bible. Usually times like that at least help me feel refreshed or more at peace, and somehow, I didn't really feel like I got anything out of it. It was awesome to get to pray for a lot of people more in-depth than I usually do, but as far as the unsettled feeling, it's still kinda there. On the other hand, after the time praying, it was easier to make a decision about what I was going to do today than it was before. I was stressed out about what I was going to do today cuz I thought I had a lot to do, but I decided that I didn't really. So today I decided to make dinner for Sharon's family. They've been so nice to me while I've been here that's why. So Sharon and I made tempura and beef donburi. It actually turned out really well. Tempura is a pain in the butt to cook though. Then we watched a movie, "Riding in Cars with Boys". It was really good. I was surprised because I thought it was going to be a crappy drama, but it's a really well made movie. Ed was over and being a trouble-maker(I told him I'd mention him in the blog, I might eventually write a profile about him), but it was still a good night.

Anyway, I guess what I'm wanting right now is just a little more ability to see God. I feel like when I was in Colorado, I didn't feel like I had these great personal interaction times with God, but I could see God so clearly in my life, in the ways things all turned out. I just feel like now I'm out of touch somehow, and I want things to mean more to me than they do. I've also only been back 2 weeks, and I always worry too much or become confused about things that aren't supposed to make me confused (i ALWAYS do this).

Lisa a.k.a. "W'all shington beauty" (hahahahaha . . . the nickname is all Dave's fault)

So, I got 2 more to go, and now it's Lisa's turn. Sorry it's taking me so long guys. I guess I'm getting slower and slower. I don't have the motivation that I did before, so you guys should get on my case more :).

Lisa's from Seattle, or around there somewhere and goes to UW along with 30 million other people. Okay, I'm exaggerating. She's another architecture major. We had too much of those this summer :). She's the only other intern from the "west side" (hahaha). Anyway, Lisa's really awesome. Because UW is on the quarter system, she came 2 weeks later than everyone else. She got here like one day before she had to leave for Honduras. She was feeling really sick that day too. She's a real trooper. I think that's something I really liked about her, it seemed like no matter what she was going through, she was able to take what was coming with a firm faith that God was going to get her through, and not only get her through, but bless her. She was often really excited about doing things and you'd never hear her complain.

Lisa also has an amazing faith. She loves to read and study the Bible. She works really hard to understand scripture deeply. It seems we had a lot of really deep thinkers among our intern group this summer. She also reads a lot of Christian literature. She reads so quickly, she pretty much inhales books. I love that. I wish I could do that. She also has a pretty healthy level of submission to authority. I think I lack that sometimes, and tend to have a rebellious streak because I really like to understand why I believe what I believe and why I am doing what I'm doing. She is good at submitting to authority, I think especially the authority of God.

Another thing about Lisa is that I think that she's a true introvert. She is very good about making sure she gets her alone time, whereas me and Jenni weren't so good about that :). It was good though because she encouraged(or forced) us to take breaks and spend some time with God. She has told me before that she is often bad about sharing things with other people, and that her relationships tend to be ones where other people share a lot with her and she listens and helps them, but she often doesn't share too much. Lisa is a really amazing listener though. She was really there for me when I was going through a lot of hard stuff this summer. She was always there to listen and support me. She left me a post-it note on my computer screen with a nice note and scripture. The verses were perfect for me too. I still have the post-it :). She would also send me "romantic" emails :) when I was saying I needed more romance in my life, and while Jenni called me "babe", Lisa called me "sweetie". It was really nice.

Let's not get the wrong idea here. Lisa has a boyfriend named Ben. It's kinda cool because Ben got an internship in Colorado Springs with Overseas International (is that right?) for the month of August, so he came down and we got to hang out with him a bunch too. This is a picture of Ben and Lisa. Something that was a little rough on me though was that they both liked puns waaaaaaaaay too much. Ben was a lot worse than Lisa, but she was pretty bad too. For being quiet and introverted, she had an extremely weird side too. I don't know how to explain it, but Lisa could get hyper and act pretty crazy. She also started using the contraction "w'all". I think it came from our teasing Dave about his southern accent and his saying "y'all", that she started using "w'all" to mean "we all". She'd send emails to all the interns asking "What're w'all doing tonight?" Although she did want breaks in our schedule, Lisa was good at planning our calendar. She'd bring "the list" (all the stuff we wanted to do this summer) to my desk, and we'd plan out weeks. It didnt' work so well, but she's a lot better at it than I am, so I think I was the weak link there.

Lisa was a great friend to me this summer. I hope that we will be able to keep in touch. She inspired me to seek strongly after God and not to compromise on your commitments to Him. She touched me through her encouragement and quiet faith, but also her ability to be excited and have fun.