better days

"and you asked me what i want this year
and i tried to make this kind and clear
just the chance that maybe we'd find better days
cuz i don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'd find better days
so take these words and sing out loud
cuz everyone is forgiven now
cuz tonight's the night the world begins again"
- goo goo dolls

It's raining today. It feels nice. I don't know what it is about the rain. Brian really likes it but when it started yesterday, I have to admit, it seemed really ominous to me. It seemed to make the night darker and colder -- more sad. But today, it's different. I would have loved to stay in my warm bed this morning and doze while listening to the sounds of rolling thunder and raindrops hitting the roof, but I willed myself out and to work. Rain makes california a different world. It's nice for california to be a different world sometimes. I can't put my finger on it. I can't describe this feeling that comes with driving in the rain. Oh well, I'm sure people know what I'm talking about, and maybe some day I'll try harder to describe it.

The goo goo dolls song seems pretty appropriate for the moment, for the people rebuilding lives and trying to make it after the storm, for all of us. Thank God for grace.

"Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.

Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

learning from the past

I was reading about the atomic bomb because the 60th anniversary of hiroshima is this saturday right? So it was a BBC article quoting 3 of the guys that were part of dropping the bomb. Well, 2 out of the 3 were like "I don't regret anything I did, I think they deserved it", and that they were thinking that this was going to end the war, but they knew exactly how much damage the bomb could do before they dropped it. Do you think they have to say that so that they can live with themselves? Do you think they can actually believe it?

At the same time I was reading an article about japanese school children who were going to visit the Hiroshima Peace Park and listen to stories of people who were there. They talked about how the children weren't taught about anything leading up to the bomb being dropped, but just how horrible it was when it did. None of the horrible things that were done by Japan during that time.

Is there something wrong with this picture? Where is the learning from the past that needs to come from such a horrible event? Sigh.

Maybe I can be consoled and say that the lesson learned is shown in the fact that there has been no atomic bombs dropped since then. Hopefully that learning will hold up. Lord have mercy.

birthday

So today was my birthday (well technically yesterday, but who really cares about that?). It was a good one. I'm not saying there's anything bad about having your birthday on a mission trip, which was where I spent my last two (if you consider LAUP a mission trip, as I do). In those situations, God always seems to surprise you and when you least expect it, does something to show you He loves you and you're not alone when you're feeling particularly alone. This year, God showed me how incredibly loved I am. I am for the first time around my friends from school, and for the first time in the same area as Brian on my birthday. I had to work, but I was amazingly productive and met a deadline that I thought was impossible. My co-workers were really great to me today, and quite a few wished me a happy birthday. Also many thanks to all those who emailed, called or sent me e-cards. I felt really special hearing from you, and am so thankful to have such wonderful friends. You all brought a big smile to my face. Then I got one of the sweetest cards ever from my wonderful boyfriend and got to spend the evening with him in one of my favorite places. It was awesome, and I'm feeling really content (although extremely exhausted). I'm about to get to bed, but wanted to share my happiness. Thanks again everyone. It was indeed a wonderful day.

so sad

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-06-15-saving-baby-cover_x.htm

What's a Meme?

I'm here with an assignment of sorts. Jesse has passed a "musical baton" to me on his blog. He then IMed me just to make sure that I did it, so here I am.

Let me just say that I am taking a very long time on this. I even lost most of my answers once and had to start over again. Please consider that I'm not very good at answering surveys. It takes me a long time because I think so hard about the answers before I give them, but they don't end up so great anyway. So I hope that you aren't expecting too much. But here goes:

Total Volume of music files on my computer:
706 MB in mp3s.

Last CD I Bought:
Technically, the last CD I bought was Scott Mccurry's "Like the Sun" at Target for 25 cents. It's not bad for 25 cents. It's not really the type of music I really enjoy but it's not bad. Actually most people that heard me play it (Brian, Jon, and James) all liked it a lot.

The last CD I count as buying is the Goo Goo Dolls: Live in Buffalo. Ed got me a Best Buy gift certificate for Christmas and told me to buy something to play in the car as I drive down the 405. This CD is perfect for that. It's also great to listen to in general. I heart Goo Goo Dolls! (just to piss Jon off). I think it's all about their melodies. Listening to their songs just make me happy.

(in the week and a half it took me to finish writing this, I also bought Jack Johnson's "In Between Dreams" I'm supposed to go pick it up at the post office this afternoon, so I don't exactly know how good it is yet although I've heard it played some before)

Playing Right now:
Actually, right now I am not playing anything, but what I've been listening to a lot lately has been Switchfoot's "A Beautiful Letdown", which my wonderful boyfriend lent me. :) It's really been speaking to me lately. The lyrics to the songs tell of something greater than this life and the struggle of living in a fallen world.

Five Songs that Mean a lot to me:
I guess this is hard because it's kinda time-dependent. Some songs currently mean a lot to me and some are all-time favorites. I guess I will do my best to accurately represent my tastes in music. It's weird, while I was doing this, I realized that for me in some cases it's a lot about the artists or genres, not so much about the individual songs. Just keep that in mind as you read this.

1) "For the Moments I Feel Faint" by Relient K has helped me in quite a few hard times. I remember just turning it on really loud when I was feeling particularly crappy and repeating it over and over and over and over and just sitting there crying.

2) Musically, I have loved the song "Crush" by Dave Matthews Band ever since I first heard it, not "Crash" mind you, but "Crush". It's so mellow and upbeat at the same time and it makes me happy when I hear it, especially the fiddle solo.

3) It would be sad for me to not put a Matchbox Twenty on this, but it's hard to describe why I like them so much. I've been a Matchbox fan since early high school. I would have to say the song "Push", it is my favorite Matchbox Twenty song but I guess the words aren't the best. I love the way that Rob Thomas can make the words sound like they mean so much. Sad that most of his solo stuff isn't so great.

4) "Angel" by Sarah McClachlan. Since I learned the chords, I've been playing the song on the piano (well, not lately cuz I don't have much access to pianos). It's incredibly therapeutic to play this song especially when I'm feeling sad, and I can sing like I mean it and after feel so much more hopeful, like I know that there's someone taking care of me when I can't take care of myself.

5) hmm, I realize there's nothing "fun" in here, like the kind of music that you bob your head to (Although I probably bob my head to these songs anyway) I guess for this I would choose "American Girls" by Counting Crows. I like Counting Crows in general although they only have one song that isn't depressing. "American Girls" doesn't sound depressing, but if you listen to the lyrics, you'll find that it is. It doesn't change the fact that it sounds great.

How I Discover good music:
Some through friends or family, mostly through listening to the radio or looking on myspace music or launchcast for artists that are similar to other artists. I like certain styles of music and I try to find artists that have that style.

I am realizing that this musical baton doesn't even start to cover my musical tastes, but I don't know what would. I guess for the songs that mean a lot to me, I picked a couple that mean a lot to me and a couple that just represent the kind of music that I like. Maybe sometime I'll write another post about what kind of music I like. I'm sorry Jesse, if I didn't do your musical baton justice.

hope

Psalm 62

1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.

2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

3 How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

. . .

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah.



"Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries

Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

And I'm not who I thought I was
twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons
to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses
still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out
not copping out
not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts

But I want to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles,
see the world change
Wrestled the angel,
for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me

Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.

I'm not copping out.
Not copping out.
Not copping out."

:)

"she told him that she believes in living
bigger than she's living now
but her world keeps spinning backwards
and upside-down"

"My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."
I am not worried I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me, "For one time only,make an exception."
I am not worried
Wrap her up in a package of lies
Send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions
"Oh," she says, "you're changing."
But we're always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey,
Something in between,
And I can always change my name
If that's what you mean
My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."
But I am not really worried I am not overly concerned
You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself
To make yourself forget I am not worried
"If it's love," she said, "then we're going to have to think about the consequences."
She can't stop shaking I can't stop touching her and...

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days," she says
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing

But I'm not going to break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not going to bend, and I'm not going to break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love..."
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should
Snap her up in a butterfly net Pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...

The time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away and Anna begins to change my mind
And everytime she sneezes I believe it's love and
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing
She's talking in her sleepIt's keeping me awake and Anna begins to toss and turn
And every word is nonsense but I understand and
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing
Her kindness bangs a gong
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away
It's chasing me away She disappears and
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing"

I know that James just posted on his blog shamelessly asking for sponsorships for the upcoming CROP walk. But just in case everyone's not yet broke or people exist that read my site and not James's, I'd appreciate ths sponsorship.

The CROP walk is a 10k this saturday (my mom inspired me not to get "OOS") with 25% of the donations from sponsorships going to local anti-hunger efforts and 75% of proceeds going to hunger and poverty relief overseas. If you want to check out more about CROP, go here. It's a good cause.

If you wanna sponsor me, go here.

If not, no worries, just thought I'd throw it out there.

goodness

There are quite a few great things going on in my life, but it seems bad things are easier to dwell on and write about than good things. So I realize that the subject of so many of my conversations, emails, blog entries are full of rantings that would cause any reasonable person to be concerned. So, I am going to try to commit to not writing about those things. However, I realize to write about good things sounds boring, "I'm feeling the most hopeful I've felt in a long time, I have an amazing boyfriend, my relationship with my sister is the best it's ever been". I mean there's only so much you can hear about that stuff. Do you think that's true? I'm just trying to be honest here. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm really happy to hear that people are doing well, that things are going well, but I don't know if I've really been listening to people when they say things like that. I want to look for warning signs, want to hear the bad. (I think Nouwen wrote about that in the prodigal son book someplace where it talked about joy) I think that's sad, the not really listening part, not the Nouwen. So I'm also committing to really hearing about the good things people are saying. So when you have something good to say, say it, and say it with confidence. Praise God!

waking up

I feel like every night, I have some sort of unsettling dream. I wake up and can't seem to shake that feeling. I brush my teeth and get dressed mechanically and grab my lunch and get out the door as soon as I can. Somehow the day starts and the feeling never completely goes away, then I go back to sleep and to dreaming again. I feel like I kinda live in a dream, and it's not a very good one. The funny thing is that Brian always tells me my life would be so much better off if I could do lucid dreaming and control what my actual dreams are about, but what I do instead is let go any of the control that I have over my life and they turn into the dreams I fear so much. Maybe I have to learn how to control my life better first. I need to not believe that all my fears are real. The thing I'm wondering is do I make up the crap that I'm afraid of, or does it come from someplace else?

anticlimactic

I got internet at my apartment and wanted to blog and announce it to the world. But blogger was down, and so I decided not to post for several days again. Haha.

huh?

I really should start eating breakfast at home. I just feel like I don't have enough time, even to make toast or something. I just want to grab something and leave cuz I always feel like I'm running late (that might have something to do with setting my alarm for about half an hour before I have to be at work). Anyway, because I was really hungry this morning, I bought a little package of those chocolate covered pre-packaged donuts that Brian likes so much from the snack shop(don't ask me why I did this, for some reason I just wanted those). Anyway, I ATE THEM ALL!!! I mean there were only like 5 or 6 of them, and they were little. But now I am regretting my decision. I am sitting here feeling the surge of sugar through me and and the heaviness of eating 80% (no exaggeration) of my daily intake of saturated fat. Ick.

"been so many places, seen so many faces,
always on my way to something new . . .
but it doesn't matter, cuz no matter where I go,
every road leads back,
every road just seems to lead me back to you."

hi

So yeah, it's been a long time. I don't have internet at home yet, so it's a little tough. I've also been really busy since I started working and it seems I don't have time for anything. Maybe when things settle down a little more, and maybe I get some kind of internet service going, I'll post more. Life seems different now, kinda surreal. I think maybe the lack of sleep has something to do with that. I'm praying a lot about purpose and what I'm supposed to be doing. If you still read my blog, please pray for me too.

i can laugh

someone has again reminded me that I haven't been posting. I don't know how many people read this anyway. I keep feeling like I don't have much important to post. I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately, and it's stuff that is really significant to me, but I don't know if it's all that significant to anyone else. I've been mostly encouraged. Getting a lot better about trusting that God is really good. Things in my life that have seemed so scary before aren't seeming so scary. I read proverbs 31 the other day and a verse really stuck out to me: "she can laugh at the days to come". I've been praying a lot about that lately, that's how I want to be. I don't want to worry about the days to come, but be able to laugh at them. No matter what happens, I know that I'm taken care of and I can approach my future with hope and joy.

mourning

Lately it seems like life is a constant state of mourning. You stop mourning one thing to find that you're mourning for someone or something else. I might sound a little strange saying this but I kinda like it. I like feeling my heart break for the brokenness of the world, for the loss of beautiful things. In the vast sea of my countless messed up responses, this feels like a light in the darkness. I'm doing something right. I feel God's heart in my mourning. I feel closer to Him because I'm doing what He's doing. And then I feel hopeful. And it makes me smile.

hilo rain

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=4684708&blogID=16066179&Mytoken=20050226213819

"sometimes the lessons we learn,
they don't need words to teach.
and some mistakes we have made,
we're bound to repeat.

it rained all day today.
i saw you in my dreams.
but my heart still sees you
a thousand miles across the sea.

chorus:
let the rain fall down
just like old Hilo town
i swear, when the rain falls down,
it feels like old Hilo town.

These city lights, they shine too bright
I cant see the stars that lie behind
I miss them sometimes
I miss you sometimes."

crazy

So I got a job offer and I accepted it. I guess this is what I've been waiting 8 months for. Finding a job so my life can be settled somehow. But now it seems like things are crazier than ever. I feel tired and stressed and no matter how much I sleep, I just feel like my body wants to shut down. I feel like I'm going insane. Let me tell you, stress and anxiety are horrible things. My body currently hates me because of it, and that just makes me worry more: should I do something about this, should I see someone about it? I feel like I don't know anything and it's freaking me out. I'm starting to question the stability of everything in my life (not that anything should be very stable except for God). I dunno, it doesn't make sense and I'm going insane. I just don't want to have to worry about anything anymore. I feel bad feeling like this, kinda defeatist or something, but it's how I feel so I decided to write it. I guess pray for me. I don't know how else you can help.

personality?

"INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately."

"Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors have strong empathic abilities and can become aware of another's emotions or intentions -- good or evil -- even before that person is conscious of them."

Lord have mercy

I keep wanting to say that I don't understand, but I do, only too well. What I don't understand is why some people succeed and others fail. Lord have mercy.

conviction

I don't really know what to write. It might be because I'm at work listening to a presentation on diet and cancer (so unable to give enough concentration to reflection) or the fact that my pride makes me reluctant to write about ways I've been wrong. Even though I don't seem to really be able to express anything right now, I do really want to acknowledge that God's been speaking to me, showing me that I need to change. I would like to be able to talk about this more in detail, and maybe I will later, but for now thank God for His grace: the ability to see my failings, hope that it won't always be that way, and enough motivation to know that it is more than worth it to change.

reflections on life

It seems that a lot of people are writing really reflective posts lately. It's funny, maybe everyone gets reflective at the same time, or maybe everyone seems like they're at some transition point in their lives. Either way, I've been reflective too. Seems that I might be moving more than once in the next couple weeks, things might change very drastically for me. I don't know if that is affecting my reflective mood. I keep wondering what I'm doing and why I'm where I'm at. I don't ever feel very safe. I never really want to be wherever I am, and don't know how to change that. I was praying this morning about knowing that wherever I am, God is there with me, that my "home" follows me wherever I go, and that where I am, I'm supposed to be there. But I can't escape this feeling of something being wrong all the time. I might just have to ignore it and move on. Usually when I don't ignore it, it does more harm than good. I might have an anxiety disorder. Hooray.

EIT is passed!!!!!

It has been so long that I almost forgot I took the test. With it being 8 hours long, that's a hard thing to forget. But I passed! Yay!

no moving this weekend

probably next. who knows?

yay!

So after being annoyed at the dent in my car, I called up some places to see how much it would cost to fix. I think it would have been from $200-300. One guy I talked to was really helpful though cuz he said that maybe I could push it out from the inside cuz the rubber seal on car doors usually come off and you can pull up the upholstery on the inside and get to the metal. I dragged Liz outside with me and was determined to fix Cleo, my poor baby. So after trying a bunch of stuff, I found this little panel thing on the inside and it came out and I stuck my hand in and pushed out the side. It's still kinda broken cuz if you push on it again from the outside, it will dent again, but it makes me feel somewhat better that I can fix it, and that I wasn't afraid to try taking things apart.

In other news, if you haven't kept up with Liz's blog, word on the street (our street that is and probably only including me, Liz, the landlady, and the construction guys) is that we're moving this weekend. That should be fun. If anyone wants to help out, let me know :). We are planning on feeding all who are helping!

sigh

All I have to say that you do not want to build anything in the City of Irvine. No matter how badly you might want to, you should move the project to another city. Actually though, if you really want to, I know the building inspectors there very personally. Also, does anyone know how to push/pull out dents in a car?

i figured it out!

The funk/anxiety is coming from pressure to be in a different place in my life than I am right now. I am feeling like where I am in life right now is definitely a place of transition, not life. The longer I'm in it, the longer I'm in a place I'm not supposed to be. So I'm stressed about everything, feeling like I'm constantly not doing enough, and I keep feeling like I'm not even living. On top of that, doing things to get out of this place is getting more and more difficult. However, I AM trying. There are many reasons for this but I think I am especially feeling it from my mom, which is why I have developed a subconscious defense mechanism to avoid talking to her at the moment. I don't mean to, but I'm stressed and I know that talking to her will only make me more stressed. Mom, if you are reading this, don't stress me out. I'm trying.

This way of thinking has sadly penetrated all aspects of my life though. So I have been stressed out about friends, living situations, money, and Brian among other things. Sorry for that everyone. Pray for me. Now that I know why I'm freaking out, it's a lot easier to deal with, and I am starting to realize that things are actually alright.

it's official!

My car is named! :) I guess it's not that big of a deal except that it took me forever to name it. So you wanna know what it is? Huh, do you? :). Her name is Cleo. I would go through my whole explanation on why this name fits, but I don't think it's that important to anyone else and I already explained it all to Brian (I'm pretty sure it wasn't that important to him either). You can ask if you want to know. In other news, I'm feeling a little in a funk again. I don't like how things can change so quickly for me. I wish that I could just be stable for a little while. But it does mean that this funk will soon be over. Usually by the time I realize I'm in one, I'm on the the way out of it :).

There seems to be so much going on for people around me. Maybe that's getting me overwhelmed cuz I can't keep that many things in my head at the same time, like I'm supposed to be concerned for what's going on in the lives of all my friends at the same time and I can't really do that. But then I don't feel like I'm doing enough when I can't be concerned for everything at the same time. Maybe I should stop trying to talk to so many people, but I love talking to them, and I love finding out what's going on for them, but then I don't know what to do with it after that and I keep thinking I'm supposed to do more with it. I really should pray more too, but I get overwhelmed when I pray cuz there's so much to pray for and when I just pray for one thing, I feel bad cuz I'm thinking it's more important than all the others when it's just because I just happen to be thinking about that particular thing at the moment. Okay, I realize that things are not that complicated. I'm just feeling bad about things I shouldn't be feeling bad about and I should just pray as much as I can and know that God sees all the things I am concerned about. I am also thinking that the way that I think about stuff when I am concerned for others is kinda like praying. I could be wrong here, but I feel like the part of me that cares about others has to do with the heart that God gave me to love, and when I'm doing that (whether it's talking to them or thinking about them), I'm doing what God wants me to do, He sees my concern and He, since He loves them even more than I do, will do even more. Okay, I feel better now. This makes sense to me. What do you think? Also, all my friends out there, know that I love you a lot (so much so that I seem to always worry I'm not doing enough), and know that God loves you so much more.

I also have some things to write about a book that I read recently that made me feel kinda strange. I don't want to yet though cuz Brian won't let me tell him anything until he at least glances through it. If anyone else wants to glance through it, it's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon. Take it easy folks.

launchcast

It has been a while since I listened to Launchcast. I did again today because I forgot my CD's in the car and while I was looking at my new computer, I found that it has a convenient headphone output thing in the front. Listening reminded me of times last year sitting in Brian's room listening to the happy station or laughing at Greg for rating all the country songs so high on Brian's station. Funny how music reminds you of so much. Anyway, it was good to have classic Matchbox Twenty, Goo Goo Dolls, Collective Soul, Sister Hazel, Plumb and Hootie playing while I worked today. Work is actually going really well right now. It's fun doing everything I've been doing, and I actually feel like I'm helpful.

I think this time in my life is full of learning new things (while working and just in general). I keep feeling like I am getting so much out of life. I love it!

wow, long time no post

Hey guys. I'm sorry about the long break in posting. Being home was amazing, but there are some disadvantages too, like the irritating dial-up connection. Hawaii was beautiful although it rained some of the time I was home and only got to go to the beach once. Everything was so familiar and comfortable. I kinda fell into a funk yesterday because I realized what a huge change I'm having to make now. I'm feeling kinda homesick and I miss Sharon a lot (not that I feel like I'm not going to like living with Liz, it's just the feeling of having to start over again). After that little funk though, I seem to be doing better, realizing that with God I can get through anything. And when I think about all those people that have been left homeless by the tsunami, I realize that I'm complaining for nothing, and at the same time it helps me to have more compassion on them because I can "sort of" relate to the sense of homelessness.

I guess there's not much else to add. Hopefully I get to see River tomorrow. Oh, and I don't know how often I'll be posting now. I will pretty much only have internet at work, so I don't want to use it to post. We'll see what happens.