because Greggy posted

Greg posted what the weather is going to be like where he's spending the next week or so. I just thought I'd post what the weather is going to be like where I'm spending the next 2 weeks:

http://www.weather.com/activities/driving/interstate/weather/tenday.html?locid=96782

Yay! :)

cool

http://www.worldonfire.ca/

I really liked the song before, I like it even more now.

Christmas is coming

Being in California during this season is a little strange to me. When I was in Claremont, it was different because I was always so busy that nothing around seemed to matter. Now that I have more time to notice things, it seems that Christmas in California lacks something. I find it funny that people can call this area home (I was telling this to someone at work today who replied, "I find it funny that you call Hawaii home"). That totally makes sense. But California seems like this place where people are just kinda hanging out. Maybe I think that because I'm just hanging out, but I don't know if I could ever make my home here.

So I've been feeling a little disillusioned about Christmas this year anyway. The whole idea of being pressured to buy people things that they want, and not being able to figure it out so you just get them something meaningless seems, hmm, meaningless. And I don't know the area so I don't know the stores, where to go for anything. At home you can go to Pearlridge and know what you're going to find there. I feel like I use Yahoo! yellowpages like a madwoman and it's getting a little tiring. And everything's so amazingly crowded and crazy.

Not being surrounded by Christian community makes it hard too. I miss things like Thanksgiving praise and Christmas fellowship meetings. At the same time, through this experience, I feel like I can relate with Jesus in his entrance into a world that didn't understand him, that scorned him. Not that I'm being scorned in any way, just feeling a little homeless/homesick. Jesus really left his home and "pitched his tent" with us. So that we could have a high priest who is familiar with our pains and our trials (I AM actually learning something from Hebrews). Anyway, more to come later. Been busy lately.

wow

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6629425/

This feels really weird to me. I didn't know him personally, maybe seen him around in school. The thing that really gets to me is that he's so young. He graduated 2 years after me! This page has a little more detail about his military service:

http://starbulletin.com/breaking/breaking.php?id=3095

So Trudy tells me about this last night, and she's saying that Ron's just waiting to get out of the Army Reserves. One of his good friends in the Reserves (in his same discipline) was told that he was going to get shipped there, so he joined active service and chose to go to Germany. Brad will be there in the beginning of next year. My co-worker's husband is another Camp Pendleton marine who will be there till april. This sucks. I don't know what else to say. My prayers go out to all of the soldiers in Iraq and all their family and friends waiting for them at home.

the good stuff

You know what I love? When see glimpses into people's lives that tell you who they really are; those little nuggets of authenticity that you don't get most of the time that you interact with people. I've been observing people a lot lately. I feel like I'm constantly thinking about them, about why they do the things that they do, what truly makes them happy, what makes them sad. I love it when I can see that, something deeper than what I'd seen before. I've been realizing that some people try protect these things. They don't want to let you see who they really are. Because if they do, somehow they're left open and vulnerable to you. I think in the midst of that vulnerability, there can be a connection made, a bond of trust. It's sad to see how many people keep who they really are from others. I just want to be real, and to see what's real in others. I want to be their friend and for them to be mine. I will trust you with who I am. Sincere love, authenticity, not holding back -- that's what it's all about.

Read 2 Corinthians 6:4-13:

"4 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5 in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6 in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7 in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8 through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9 known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

2CO 6:11 We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. 12 We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. 13 As a fair exchange--I speak as to my children--open wide your hearts also."

It's really cool when you find people that are real. That's partly why I love talking to the elderly. They're amazingly honest. It's refreshing. They'll tell you their favorite memories, their saddest moments, their deepest desires without hesitation even though you've just met them 5 minutes before. I talked with a wonderful woman named Margaret last friday. She is 83 years old. Her husband died in 1973 from cancer. She's been a widow for over 30 years. She misses him a lot, she says, especially around Christmas time because he loved Christmas. She said he was Italian, the most laid-back guy you'd ever meet. He was healthy, took good care of himself, a prized boxer in Pennsylvania where they were from. He won the diamond belt and golden gloves (I didn't really know what those are but I assume they're pretty prestigious among the boxing community). She then mentions that he had the diamond taken out of the belt and put in her engagement ring as she shows me the ring. She said that he died too young, but she's glad for the years that she had with him. Cancer is a terrible disease. He started complaining about a stitch in his side one day, he was gone 3 months later.

I could tell you much more about Margaret if you wanted to hear it, or Vi, another woman I met that day. I don't think there is any way that I can forget the memories that they shared with me. Praise God for the bonds He created, for the blessing of being able to spend one afternoon with two wonderful ladies. There's much more to say, but I'm ending it here. This has taken me a little too long to write and I really need to finish my honeywell application. Take it easy folks.

negativity

Please pray for me. I feel like things in my life have been really good as of late. There is nothing for me to really complain about, yet I feel like crap. I am praying more than usual and trying to be disciplined in the way I use my time, and succeeding, but still feel really bad and it's affecting the way I'm interacting with people. I really think it's a spiritual thing. I realize that I've been fighting a lot for other people spiritually, but I haven't been so great at fighting for myself. So anyway, I'm sorry I've been really crabby and out of it. I appreciate the prayers. I will be out of this funk in no time.

new pictures

I also posted a couple new pictures from last weekend. I'm sorry they're so disorganized. I want to organize them more but Brian's thing won't let me make any new albums (so it's his fault). :) Anyway, go see my new pictures!

i don't have a title for this one

Jon reminded me today of my loyal fans who I seem to be depriving of information by not blogging. Sorry to disappoint :). There has just been so much to say that it gets exceedingly harder to express as days go by.

This last weekend Brian visited, I interviewed with Honeywell, went to the cancer center Christmas party/fundraising event, visited a church that I actually liked, listened to some servant partners teaching from Kevin Blue on dating, and got to spend time with more people than I've seen in a long time. You would think that from looking at my life, I would already realize that my life can change dramatically in the span of 4 days, but it seems I don't learn as quickly as I should. I feel like I'm in a place where everything is changing. There's not a great deal of stability. I guess the fact that everything is changing doesn't seem to be changing though, so maybe I can find comfort in that :). I look at most of my friends lives (Brian excluded, but even him because he seems to kinda know what he wants to do) and it just looks like their lives are more stable. They have things that they're committed to. They'll have a crazy weekend like me and be back to work on monday. There are good and bad things to that as well I realize. I am just finding it difficult to know where God wants me, or to know that God wants me where I am right now.

I found out that I am moving out of Sharon's place by the end of the month because she'll be moving to Korea. I'm really going to miss her :(. I'm not sure where I'm going to be working then. I'm not sure if I'm going home to Hawaii for Christmas but I'm leaning toward it.

I am currently feeling a little down about job prospects. I kinda regret turning down the job offer that I got (oh, I turned it down by the way) because I felt like I actually wanted to do that work. I am just afraid I'm going to end up sitting in a cubicle staring at a computer screen for 40 hours a week for the next who knows how many years. I do not look forward to doing that. I feel like I turned it down mostly because I didn't want to make a decision. I felt I could put off the decision more by not taking it, then I wouldn't have to start right away, I could still wait to commit. Thinking about the future gives me this sick feeling inside. Maybe that's why I'm stuck in a place where everything is unstable. Who knows? Pray that God leads me to something that I won't hate and that I can know it's where I'm supposed to be.

This weekend was amazing as far as seeing God. That was really good because I totally needed it. I went into it in a kind of funk. I kinda fell into it after thanksgiving because I was really tired after all the hosting and stuff. I was really encouraged by a number of conversations I had this weekend as well as the experience at the church I went to. Brian and I visited a mennonite church on sunday in Inglewood. It was crazy awesome. I'd say like 90% of the congregation was black and there was incredible gospel music throughout the service, good teaching, and a great community. I felt like I could worship God freely and sincerely. It was the most sincere I have felt in worship in a long time. I really liked the fact that it seemed like they did so much with the little that they had. Maybe I'll go there again sometime.

IT seems like God has been speaking to me a lot of words of wisdom this weekend. This might seem kinda weird and out of nowhere, but I keep entertaining these thoughts of speaking and teaching these things to other people, like that's what I'm wanting to do. I don't know what to do with that (maybe I'll be a pastor yet). Again, who knows?

Alright, I still have all these random thoughts in my head, but I don't know exactly how to write them down at the moment. I hope that this satisfies my audience for the time being. Pray for all the peeps out in Claremont working hard on papers and studying for those finals. Peace.

thanksgiving

It was a good thanksgiving. I loved seeing my family and getting to spend time with my grandmas. I haven't seen them in a while. I guess I'm a little tired of people in general though and today's been good just to veg and chill with Sharon. I guess I didn't get as much time as I'd have liked to reflect on the things that I'm thankful for but I'm feeling pretty thankful. God really loves us. We have to know that God really loves us. Oh, and I posted a couple new pictures from the week. Hope you enjoy.

church hunting

I went to a new church this morning. I am amazed that I am actually having motivation to go church hunting. It's a really hard thing though, there are so many things about the church that I saw this morning that pissed me off. I often feel like no matter where I go, I will not be satisfied with any church. I think that's true to some degree, but there has to be a church that I at least don't mind being a part of. A church like that has to exist.

One thing that really bothered me this morning was that the sermon was on "being an appreciated gift". This brings up memories of a sermon that Krislin and I heard a couple months ago in Palos Verdes. Good thing the sermon this morning was not actually about being an appreciated gift at all because it had nothing to do with being appreciated. The title still rubbed me the wrong way. We all want to be appreciated, but we can't make other people appreciate us, and that's not what it should be about anyway. The pastor did call Jesus the ultimate appreciated gift, and Jesus was totally unappreciated. He was hated and spurned even by the people closest to Him. The rest of the sermon was actually okay. He preached out of Romans 12 and made the huge leap that being an appreciated gift meant living a life worthy of the grace we've recieved. So the rest of the sermon was about that. Another thing that was hard was that he was talking about authenticity. Authenticity is something that I've been feeling is lacking in the Christian church. To me, authenticity means that you're real with people, that you let people in on what's actually going on inside of you. He preached that following Romans 12:14-21 makes you an authentic Christian. Read Romans 12:14-21 and tell me, who the hell is actually like that?

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

If you are like that then I'm sorry for offending you, but I definitely am not. I think we need to strive for it, train to become the people that are actually like that on the inside. But I'm not pretending that that's what it's like to be an authentic Christian. We're gonna fail, so I think being authentic means coming clean with those failures. I think that's what brings people together, not fake politeness and hospitality.

I understand that the Pastor wasn't really teaching anything wrong per se. I just feel like he wasn't covering all his bases. I know I can't expect pastors to always cover their bases, then they'd be talking forever. I mean there's a reason they only preach on a little thing every week. Maybe he'll cover the whole "fakeness of the church" thing in some other sermon. I think I have to actually meet and get to know a pastor well. I tend to have a pretty low level of respect for pastors in general, maybe because I have high expectations of them because they have a large influence in people's lives, and they never live up to my expectations. Wow, this post brought up a lot of stuff for me that was a little unexpected.

I know I'm critical and judgemental, and I'm praying against that all the time, God kinda overcame it this morning in the service. I feel like I was able to take good things from it (I know I didn't really talk about the good things in this post). I guess that makes me even more confused. I can't tell if I liked the church today or hated it. I am sure that I don't want to belong there though, and I guess that's enough for me. I have to say though that it made me think and reflect on what it means to be a Christian and seek God because of how I disagreed with things. That's definitely something I should do more often. Anyway, I guess we'll try the church hunting again next week.

Sorry for all this ranting, although it is my blog and I can post whatever I want and you can choose to read it or not :). Thanks for reading it though if you still are, I am really thankful that there are people that care to read about my life. I love you guys.

why bother?

So yesterday I spend an hour and a half washing my car. Today it's covered with a layer of grossness again. You gotta love Southern california air. Makes me afraid to breathe sometimes. Anyway, it was clean, and you gotta give me some credit for trying to take care of it. My car still doesn't have a name. It seems I'm terrible about that. I've been calling it "baby" like all the other inanimate objects I talk to. So anyway, I'm still taking suggestions.

Let's see, what else is new? I get to see my family this weekend. It's been a while since I've seen my dad and both grandmas (my mom came to visit me twice in the last 6 months). I'm pretty excited about that. Not too much else going on I guess. I am vowing to stop blogging about job stuff until I decide because I realize that all I do is complain about it.

Oh! I have been praying more lately. That was another good thing about visiting Brian, I got to pray with him and since then we're kinda keeping each other accountable to pray for certain things. Thanks babe! I need to be better about it anyway I'm realizing. I feel like I've forgotten how powerful prayer is in changing our hearts when they need to be changed and in seeing God move in crazy ways. :)

better

feeling lots better since yesterday . . . seems like there's some serious spiritual warfare stuff going on down here. Thanks for all the prayers! Still need to decide about the job situation. Sigh, seems like that will never be over. I guess not much else to note. Happy belated birthday to Phil, Greg, Sharon, and Ethan!

overwhelmed

I guess there's a lot to write. I hate it because I don't have anything figured out, so I think all that's going to come out is a incoherent mess, but that seems to be how it always is.

I went to visit Brian in Medford this last week, just got back last night. His grandfather passed away last thursday. It was amazing to see how much good God was doing through it. Brian's grandpa was a great man and his life impacted so many people. I am very blessed to have been able to witness that as I mourned and celebrated with the family. As Brian and I were praying the last night I was there, he prayed that we would be able to have a life even half as amazing as his grandfather's, to be able to touch people that way. I keep praying that prayer.

I also feel like God really wanted to bring up for me the struggle that I have in trusting Him with my family. I am still struggling, but I know that I still need to wrestle with it. It was good to get to really think and pray about it in the last week. Please pray that God will show me something, that I can understand what I need to or trust what I know of God.

My life seems more confusing than ever now. Somehow I thought going to visit Brian would settle some things. I have a lot to think about. Coming back here doesn't seem to be helping much. There's so much going on here that it seems I don't even have time to think. I've been fighting being overwhelmed since I got here last night and I seem to be losing that battle. It was really good to spend time with Brian and his family, to experience life with them, but now that all seems so far away and life is so different now, just a day later. I am finding it really hard to trust and am feeling a little impatient. I'm supposed to make my job decision very very soon even though I feel like I've already made it. I really need God's perspective because I feel so overwhelmed, I miss having peace. Please pray for me.

death

I guess I've been feeling pretty reflective the last couple days. Brian got back home on Sunday night and then yesterday morning his grandpa had a heart attack and it seems he won't last much longer. It seems like a lot to deal with for Brian but he's taking it really well. I think it's harder for me than for him. Since I heard about it, I feel like I keep reliving my grandpa's death, reliving the loss I've felt when people in my family have died. I've been thinking a lot about my grandpas and my great grandma. I miss them.

It's strange because on sunday afternoon, before all this happened, I went to go visit my great aunty who was in town visiting Jean and we went for a walk. During the walk, she started singing this japanese children's song "otete tsunaide . . ." Then she said that the last time my great grandma was in the hospital, my great aunt was wheeling her around in a wheelchair and my great grandma was singing that song. Imagine that, a 97-year old woman singing a japanese children's song :). My great aunt said that she knew that she was going to go soon, and she knew she would remember that moment; wheeling her around and hearing her sing that song as she sat in the wheelchair. The last time I saw her before she died was 4 months earlier at New Year's and I got to spend a couple hours just with her. I wish I could do it again. My mom's sister went to visit her about a month before she died and she decided for some reason that it would be a good idea for her to call all of the great grandkids and have us get to talk to our great grandma. I never really talked to my great grandma on the phone because I didn't know enough japanese to converse and she didn't know enough english either. When we were in the same place though, It didn't seem to matter, we could communicate just fine with our expressions (mostly smiles and laughter). It was weird saying hi to her on the phone and having her guess who I was. I didn't know then that it would be the last time I'd ever talk to her.

My grandpa's death was even harder. He had pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed one thanksgiving. We spent thanksgiving night that year in the hopsital dining hall. He seemed to be fighting it alright after that until a year later when he had a stroke, a couple days before thanksgiving again. It was all downhill from there. He ended up dying on December 23rd, 2 days before Christmas. When we knew there was no hope left to treat him, my grandma decided to put him in a hospice and stop feeding him so that he could just die quicker, without as much pain. Even then, he lasted 2 weeks. We went in to see him every day, and every day he got weaker and weaker. In the beginning, he could let you know he knew you were there. He'd squeeze your hand and you could see tears running down his face when you talked to him. By the end, he couldn't do anything. But I feel like I knew he still knew we were there. He held on till the end. I think he was afraid to leave us, he was afraid that we wouldn't be okay without him. I remember my grandma telling him that she was ready to let him go, that he should just go. Then he went.

I don't know where they are now. I don't know if I will ever see them again. I trust in the God I love though. I choose to trust. Please help me to trust.

crazy weekend

This was a crazy weekend. The EIT, halloween, daylight savings time change, and the Golf Tournament. Crazy. The last 3 days I woke up at 5:30am, 6:15am, 6:00am. This is me we're talking about. Don't worry, my schedule is almost back to normal now.

So for the test, I guess there are probably some people that are still wondering how it went, although some of you have already talked to me. The first half was alright, but the second 4 hour session was painful. I almost fell asleep like 10 times and actually had to take a little "nap" in the middle of it because I couldn't think anymore. It was weird too cuz both Sharon and I forgot to bring watches, so I had no sense of what time it was throughout the whole test. Oh well, I think I passed, and it is over. Hooray! I can't believe that test screwed up my sleep schedule so much though. I was tired till yesterday because of it.

Halloween was fun. I went trick-or-treating with Jean and Lauren. I kinda went as a parent. Weird. Also, this was the first time I was really experiencing halloween in 5 years cuz in college, it's like there are parties and trick-or-drink, but no kids and the trick-or-treating. It was weird. There were so many kids in the neighborhood and Lauren and her friends were die-hard trick-or-treaters. We were out there for 2 hours. She ended up with 5.5 pounds of candy. It's kinda sad because she's allergic to chocolate so she can't eat most of that, but it was intense. I was very tired after that too :).

Then yesterday was the golf tournament that my working place has been preparing for for the last month. It was amazing. There were 130 golfers. It was at the Riviera Country Club. It was the first time I have ever been on a golf course and it got to be at the Riviera Country Club. It was beautiful. I don't exactly know how to describe the day and all my feelings. We did a lot of damage control and figuring out how to fix problems on the fly. I felt a little weird because everyone there was like extremely rich, and some of them knew that they were extremely rich and so had a lot of power. There have been lots of thoughts floating around in my head since then. Hmm.

I now have 3 job options. Please continue to pray for me with that because I have no idea what to do. I realize that the decision isn't really that important, but there seems to be a lot of pressure in a lot of different directions and I just want to be able to make a decision that I feel good about and not stress out. I don't think I am doing too well at not stressing out.

Today, I'm taking the day off and Sharon and I are going to see "Shall We Dance". I'm excited :). I should be getting more of a life back now because the test is over. Hooray! I don't really know what else to say. Everything's still a little jumbled in my brain. There were lots of other random thoughts I had this weekend that I want to write about sometime, but they're gonna have to wait.

THE EIT IS DONE!!!!!!!!

nuff said.

my good friend jon

I guess I just wanted to write an entry about Jon. He's feeling a little down lately and he's kinda in a bunch of crappy situations. I have just been feeling in awe of what an amazing person he is and I wanted to share that with everyone. Jon is truly an amazing friend. For as long as I've known him, he's been a really strong Christian, firm in his faith while being kind and compassionate to everyone. I've never met anyone as good at that as he is. His sacrificial love stuns me sometimes. He's nursed me back to health on several occasions, always been there when I needed someone to listen, carried me when I was freaked out by the worms :), never stopped caring about me even when I was being selfish and doing stupid things. I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for him, and I might not even be here today if it weren't for his prayers. I don't tell him this much, more often I rag on him because I'm frustrated at him for some stupid reason. But I am so thankful that Jon is my friend, I think he is one of the greatest friends a person could have. I don't know what I'd do without him. I'm sorry for all the times I've said otherwise. You are very loved Jon and I'm praying for you.

happy birthday!

Tomorrow or today in Uganda is Brian's 23rd birthday . . . happy birthday babe! It's also my mom's birthday . . . happy birthday mommy! and Tiari's birthday . . . happy birthday Tiari! (although it's definitely been a while since I've talked to Tiari, and she probably won't be reading this). And if anyone else is born on October 28th and is reading this, happy birthday to you too!

My life has been filled with drama. Drama about work, drama about future work, drama about the test, drama about any of my plans in general, other people's drama, almost any different kind of drama you could think of. Sharon keeps saying that my life is amusing because of all the drama in it. I would like to see what it would be like without it for a little bit, maybe just a little bit. I am pretty certain though that things will turn out okay, more than just okay actually. God's got everything under control, so I don't have to give myself an ulcer worrying about everything the way that I'm so good at worrying about things. Pray for me. I need to stop being so worked up and get some rest.

There is a lot I could write, I haven't updated in a long time, but I think I'll just leave it for a while. I don't have too much time to write, so I won't be happy with what gets posted anyway. Hopefully some more informative posts will come. Night everyone.

rain and stuff

I had a really cool experience tonight. I was driving home on the freeway and it started to rain. Then "Did you feel the mountains tremble" came on the radio. I turned it up really loud and sang at the top of my lungs driving down the empty freeway with the rain coming down. It felt so good. I felt like I was really praising God. I am pretty sure this is the first time I've seen it rain since I've been back. I think it must have rained one night because when I got up one morning, the street, driveways and cars were all wet. But this is the first time I've seen it rain here since I got back. Quite a change from the daily thunderstorms and occasional hail of Colorado Springs. It feels nice. Right now I'm listening to it outside my window and I know that I'm not going to have any problems falling asleep tonight :).

Tonight I went to Chris's apartment and got to hang out with him and the Gaeblers. It was so cool to see them. We made spam musubi (cuz Chris remembered how we made it spring break freshman year), had caramel apples, talked nerdy (I feel bad cuz I must have grimaced every 15 minutes (I think it's at the point where no matter who I'm with, whenever someone says something nerdy, people turn to look at how I'm going to react . . . I'm trying to be more tolerant, I will get better, I hope)), caught up some, and watched "Chariots of Fire" which I had never seen before. It was great. A good night. Now with the rain and the cool drive home, it's officially a great night.

That's another thing, I realized today that I really like driving. If gas didn't cost so darn much, I wouldn't feel so bad about driving so much to work or to wherever. It's kinda nice, a good time to reflect or to pray. I think the thing that really helps is that I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not intimidated by it. I am realizing the key was my mom coming here, riding around with me, and telling me that I'm a good driver. Ever since I started driving, my mom has told me that my driving made her nervous and that I'm not ready to drive on freeways and stuff. That made me really nervous about driving. I think it makes a big difference to me that my mom thinks I drive well. Thanks Mommy.

I'm pretty sure that everyone reading this already knows this but I sent out an email to people in response to my blog entry about my getting a job. I was blown away because I got so many responses to that email. I didn't know that people cared that much to know what was going on for me. Thank you so much everyone. I feel so blessed and I appreciate all your prayers and thoughtful advice. I also think that Josh and Jordy have a point about the person getting the job should be the one treating others instead of the other way around, so as soon as I get myself a place, I'm throwing a party. (Just to let you know, I have no idea when I'm getting a place, but but as soon as I do, there WILL be a party).

I guess that's it. God is amazing, I am in wonder. I am praying that He will show Himself to all of you as well. Good night!

wow

So, I got offered a job today, an actual job, an actual engineering job. Wow! That feels weird to me. Joshdan said that he's going to buy me a drink :). I might have to hold you to that Josh. Anyway, I just don't know what to do. There are lots of pros and cons, and right now I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I don't actually think it's that big of a decision, but it's making me think about all this stuff about the rest of my life. It's making me depressed because after talking with my mom, I feel like I'm going to be owned by my parents for the rest of my life and I won't be able to do what I really want to do, which is help people. I remember the faces of the children in Honduras who live in shacks and won't have many opportunities in life, and I will not just sit in my big house living comfortably when there are people starving to death.

Okay, that was my rant. I ranted a lot tonight. I think I feel better now. I like ranting cuz it gets out what you really feel about something. I mean, you're not going to make your decision totally off of what you feel, but it's good to get it out, and then people can know how you're feeling. So, I still don't know what I'm going to do about the job. Pray for me that I can know what God wants and that I can make a good decision. Pray also that somehow things will work out that I can be happy and not totally piss my parents off, cuz I do care about what they think, and I don't want to fight about things forever. I have hope that God wants me to live a good life, where I enjoy the things I do and can serve him faithfully with what I do. Praise God.

feeling better

yeah, God's good. I have nothing figured out, but I know it will be okay, and that's all I need to know. I know Jon will hate me for putting this here, but I'm kinda feeling like the lyrics to "Hand in my Pocket" right now, so here they are:

“I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah (I like that line)
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign"

-Alanis

Patience. Hope. Sigh.

haha, seems my blogging run was short lived

Yeah, I haven't felt much like blogging lately, but tonight I do, so here goes. Lately, I've been in a "feeling lonely even though surrounded by lots of people" mood. I got to talk to Greggy tonight though. I felt really encouraged. I feel like I was really reminded that sometimes I am understood. It brought up something with me though. Sorry to use our conversation as an example Greg, but too bad. So, Often when I have really encouraging conversations with people I really like talking to, instead of thanking them for an awesome conversation, I tend to get really self-deprecating, or apologetic. I always apologize for rambling and taking up their time and stuff like that. I then put the other person in the position of having to reassure me that I'm not, and if they don't reassure me, I tend to get more insecure. It's really stupid because I feel like it makes really encouraging times not so encouraging anymore. Also, it creates this hierarchy that doesn't really exist. I feel like in my mind, I will then put that person above myself, and think of them as the "giver"and me as the "reciever" when those roles aren't necessarily there. I think that in my example, Greg and I both got a lot out of the conversation (right Greg?) :), and there's no reason for me to think otherwise. Part of me thinks it's another "asian culture" thing, and I notice that in the same circumstances, whenever someone apologizes to me, I'm really quick to reassure them that there's nothing to apologize for. In any case, it's annoying, and I feel like it makes it hard to have really good times with people I really like talking to and spending time with. I feel like in saying this, I'm voicing a problem that many people struggle with, probably more than I do. I guess I just want to put it out there instead of running through it in my head. It probably does more good. Also, I want to say, that if an asian friend that gets all apologetic in a conversation, try to be quick to reassure them that you're getting a lot out of the conversation too, unless you aren't and in that case, there are other issues that I don't have time to address in this blog entry. And I think we also need to be less insecure. I think that's a topic that I also don't have enough time to blog about.

Anyway, long story short, it was good to talk to Greg. Hip hop class was really fun today, I just wish it was longer. There can never be too much dancing!

Lately, I've also been realizing how fun it is to learn (but at my own pace, not like at school where professors try to cram as much information into you as they could). At work I feel like I have to constantly learn new things, I love it. Today, as I was studying for the EIT, I was reviewing mechanics right, and how to use Mohr's circle again and deal with 3 dimensional stresses and stuff, and it made me kinda excited :). Man, I sound like such a nerd. Not much else going on. I want to send a shout-out to Sharon's mom although she will never read this, but she works so incredibly hard in this house, I just want to give her props :). Maybe I should get off this whole "shout-out" thing. But it's fun, and it's not old yet. But now it is, so no more after this one :). Peace.

wow, two days in a row

Yeah, believe me, I'm shocked too. I dunno, just feeling kinda thoughtful tonight. It's a good thoughtful though, not a bad thoughtful. People seem to be feeling down tonight. Lots of talk of feeling lost. Somehow in the midst of that, I'm feeling surprisingly hopeful. I feel like God is here. We're all lost, but God is here. Isn't that amazing? God is here. It's strange because I've been feeling kinda far away from God the last couple months, like my life is going, but I don't quite know where God is in the midst of that. But I keep living, praying, and looking. I see glimpses every once in a while. You know, those "wow!" moments. I love those. I guess tonight is one of those. Actually, I've been having a lot of them recently. It's awesome. I've been realizing that going through hard times helps you to see things so much clearer. I think that what the hard times I went through this last year has taught me the most is that God will never leave. So, He's here, and He's not going anywhere. Although we all feel lost, He's leading us someplace. So have hope! I've also been seeing how having experienced hard times really helps you to sympathize with, and encourage others. I pray that I will have more opportunity to do that.

Okay, completely different topic. So we had alumni bible study last night right? And we were studying Hebrews 2:5-18. Studying Hebrews is pretty hard, but really rewarding when you finally get something after hitting your head against it for a long time. It was awesome. Anyway, me and Jon had this really weird moment in Bible study. You know when you think of something really funny in Bible study. So I was reading "so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death--that is, the devil" (part of Hebrews 2:14) and I was wondering "how does that work?" and all I saw in my head was the scene from the end of the third Matrix where Neo gets "injected" by Smith and that's how he destroys him. So I started laughing (the scene by the way did not help me to understand more how that whole thing works). But later, when sharing about why I was laughing, I was saying "how does that work?", and Jon goes, "Well, if you've seen the third Matrix movie . . ." I mean, it seems to me a very rational thing to think when reading that passage, I think that most people would think of the third matrix movie in that context (hmm, is that weird?), but I thought it was funny the way it happened.

Oh, another totally different topic . . . Ed told me tonight that he has become a fan of my blog, so I want to send a shout-out to Ed, my new fan. Much love to all my other loyal fans too! :)

it's been a while

I've been meaning to get to write in here for a while, but I never get to it. I was talking to Jon the other night about how he doesn't live "real life" anymore because all he does is blog or read and comment on other people's blogs. I guess I've been living too much "real life" so I don't get a chance to blog :). It's been good. I've gotten to babysit twice this week. I love it! Greg and Lauren are great, and it's teaching me a lot about responsibility and patience, and how to handle hard situations. I feel like I've been able to talk and hang out with a lot of people and that's been pretty encouraging too. I've been realizing how easy life is for me here. At times I wish I were doing something more exciting or crazy like Brian and Greg. Sometimes I wish that because when you're doing stuff like that, you tend to worry about yourself less, you think less about your problems and relationship issues because you're surrounded by so much need.

Somehow I feel like right now God wants me to be here, where I do kinda have to think about stuff. I think He wants me here especially for the relationships. I feel like I've been seeing just how important relationship is, to people, and to God. How much of a blessing it's been for me to get to keep in touch with so many people and grow in my friendships with them, and how much you're able to help and encourage others through your friendships with them. I am praying that I can be doing the most with where God has put me.

Will a.k.a. "If there's a Will, there's a way" (I hate myself)

I guess it's been a while since I posted at all, and it's been even longer since I've posted last about the interns. There's just one left. I'm sorry it's taken me so long, but here is the last installment of the eMi intern files. Maybe I've been saving the best for last ;). Anyway, it's all about Will. Will's the only one of us left in Colorado Springs. He's interning till December or something. Will's from Idaho, the closest one of all of us to Colorado Springs. He also worked at Noah's Ark rafting company as a rafting guide. He got us some awesome deals on white-water rafting.

Because he worked around there and knew people, he had friends coming to visit and he'd be going back and forth to guide on the weekends. Will was commenting to me one friday as we were walking to the Marian House (soup kitchen) that he was feeling a little funny about knowing other people around, like it was harder for him to really get into the "intern experience" because not everything was brand-new to him. I can kinda understand what he was talking about now. I feel like I'm kinda in a familiar place but doing very new things and it feels a little weird. I don't think that you missed out on very much though Will. It was really awesome to hang out with Will this summer. I feel like he is someone that I really would like to have gotten to know better. Even though he won't stand around at work and talk about it for hours while we're supposed to be working (he has a lot of integrity in his work), you can tell he really cares about what's going on for you. I would remember as he would walk by my desk to fill up his double gulp cup, he would ask me how things were going. It wasn't difficult to get into a serious conversation with him, because it's like he wasn't afraid to get under the surface, even though he didn't know you very well. Thanks Will. I also remember the first time we went rafting, we met up with a couple of his friends and I had one of the most encouraging conversations of the summer with one of his friends who I had just met. It was like God showing His goodness to me. Will is good people and Will knows good people.

I don't know if I should really put this down here cuz I am not sure Amanda knows yet, but if she doesn't, Will don't show her my blog. Anyway, Will is planning on proposing to his girlfriend Amanda very soon. He's working really hard to be able to afford a ring. And he's planning to invite all of us to his wedding (he better be at least!).

Okay, so from all this serious stuff I'm writing about Will, you must think that he's a pretty serious kind of guy. I don't know about that one. I guess he might be one of those complicated people because he can be completely serious, but be the least serious at the same time. We'll be having a serious discussion about something and then he'll make a terrible joke keeping a completely serious look on his face. Will is great a dry humor. Actually, I wouldn't say great because he must be funny only less than half the times he tries to be :). I miss his trying to tell jokes and getting to mock him because his jokes aren't funny.

Will lived with Ho-Jun this summer. I mean they were housemates, so he got some of the korean experience, however it seems that Will is lousy at korean. I think by the end of the summer Will knew exactly 4 korean words I think. 2 of which were kim-chee and bu-gol-gi. He would show off his korean knowledge by chanting "kim-chee bu-gol-gi kim-chee bu-gol-gi", and we'd all laugh at him. Good try Ho-Jun.

Anyway, I wanted to come up with a better nickname for Will. I didn't want to use the same one, so I used one to appeal to all those pun-lovers. The "Blue-Steel" nickname was all because Will tries to do the blue-steel pose for the camera pretty often, and I have to say is the best out of all of the interns at doing it. I don't know if that is saying much. I guess that's it. I think I must have left out a lot of stuff. I'm sorry Will if I have. It's what I get for procrastinating so long. I can write more later if something comes to me. It was good talking to you yesterday, and I wish you the best. Remember, invitations to the wedding . . .

what are the chances?

Usually I'm not so crazy about online quizzes, but this one turned out pretty well.

You're Hawaii!

When they first meet you, few people can tell whether you want to say hello or goodbye. Either way, most of them will end up saying that you're their favorite person to visit, if only they could afford the trip. But your soft and warm image is
belied by an explosive undercurrent in your personality than can leave you drenched with tears or boiling with anger for days on end. You are rather fond of using plants as clothing.


Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

ick

Man, today was the climax of my bad week. I got the most horrible cramps at work today. So bad the pain made me lightheaded and weak and I dropped a cup of hot water on the floor while a co-worker was talking to me. I wanted to die. Anyway, they made me go home cuz I was so out of it. I was really thankful, but then because of an accident on the freeway, I was stuck in LA traffic going less than 5 mph for an hour and a half. I was crying and swearing for most of it, and it sucked. Sigh, eventually I got back to Sharon's, and proceeded to pass out for 2 hours. I'm feeling a little better now. At least this explains why the rest of my week has been so bad, why I've been so tired/frustrated the last few days, and should also mean that the next few weeks should be nice.

stuff to think about

Today was a hard day. I felt anxious and a little annoyed all day, and then a lot of little things kept happening that really got to me. It's like you can take a few bad things, but when they all happen at once, it gets to you and you feel like you want to explode. So that's how today was for me. I decided then to go for a jog, cuz I thought I could take out my aggression that way and somehow get a better perspective on things. So I left, and I found that the sidewalk was closed on the route that I usually take, which made me a little more upset, and I just ended up jogging around the park. Actually, I jogged for a bit, but I ended up walking around the park.

I was so upset, and it just seemed that every different train of thought I started became negative. I was just angry about everything, and wanted to complain about everything in my life. Some random thought made me think of Jonah and how he disobeys God and complains to God about everything in his life. I can really relate to Jonah. Kinda sad, but it might be one of the characters in the bible that I am the most like. (I took a personality test once that told me that one of the people in the bible with my personality is Jonah, but that's a different story) Anyway, it made me think about how things are hard, and I don't necessarily WANT to be where God wants me to be because it's pretty painful; I mean for Jonah, the path that took him to prophesy to Ninevah could have been really hard, and maybe that's the reason he decided not to do it (probably isn't, but could have been). I guess it's pretty obvious what the right conclusion to that train of thought is, but sometimes it's really hard to convince yourself that where God wants you is the place you need to be even though it sucks. I prayed and asked God to help me to believe it, and help me to change the way I was seeing things.

It's amazing how my thoughts changed after that. I thought about how yesterday I feel like I was refreshed a little, getting a glimpse of God again after not really seeing Him for a while. I wanted to put more effort into making some changes in my life and aligning my life to be more like Jesus. I remembered how often opposition comes right after revelation, that these hard things may have been there to test my faith in the things God has been revealing to me. I also was able to remember God's amazing love for me, how He cares about the things going on in my life, so it's not like I really have to worry about where He puts me, because "He works everything out for the good of those who love Him and who are called by His purpose." It was really nice to walk in the park too. It's a pretty park, the wind was blowing (I love the wind) and I just felt at peace. Sigh. Thanks God.

I was thinking about something else today too. I was thinking about the people I hang out with, and have realized a trend. I have always seen either a group of all Christians or mostly Christians with one or two non-Christians, or a group where I'm pretty much the only Christian. I guess in all my experience this has been the case, not only the groups I hang out with, but also in groups my friends have described to me. I don't like either of these situations. In the first, there's always this tendency for Christians to be exclusive and get into the Christian culture and make other people feel uncomfortable. But in the other situation, I often feel like if I make decisions based on what I am convicted to do, people see me as thinking I'm too good for them. I don't have accountability and fellowship in those groups at all. Hmm, I guess it's pretty much just the tendency of Christians to hang out with Christians, and non-Christians to hang out with non-Christians, and the fact that no one really wants to mix. Often when a Christian mixes with a group of non-Christians, he tends to compromise a lot of his beliefs. It's interesting to think about. I love Christian people, and I love non-Christian people, I love hanging out with everybody. I don't really know why it has to be so difficult. I guess I don't have much more to share on this topic. I don't have too many clear answers. Just thought I'd throw it out there cuz I was thinking about it.

weekend

Okay, so I didn't take any pictures. I was not very motivated to because I left my camera in the van from the start of the trip because there was too much stuff to unload. It was pretty fun though. It wasn't the "getting away to nature" kind of trip I was expecting. You have to laugh at the southern california nature in comparison to most other places (I miss colorado and hawaii!). We couldn't swim in the lake because they used it as a drinking water source or something and so we couldn't pollute it although they didn't really regulate the kinds of boats going in it. Anyway, it was really hot, and overall an "okay" camping trip. One really cool thing though was that the stars were great. I couldn't even tell where the big dipper was cuz there were so many stars that I wouldn't normally see. It was beautiful! It made me really thankful, although at the time, the people I was walking with were trying to freak each other out and it was a little distracting.

Anyway, we got back today and I went to the first alumni bible study. It was awesome! There were only 4 people there, me, Rosey, Jon, and James. We studied Luke 7:24-35. I don't think I've ever studied that passage inductively before. I feel like it made me think about really cool things that I haven't thought about in a long time. Strange, but it feels like it's been forever since I really thought about grace. Such a fundamental idea in the Christian life, but when I thought about it again, it surprised me and seemed really new to me that our place in the kingdom of God has nothing to do with us, but only to do with the grace we're given from God. Then God showed me something really applicable to my life right now in his metaphor about the people of this generation. "They are like children sitting in the marketplace and calling out to each other: "We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we wailed, and you did not weep." -Luke 7:32. Jesus emphasizes the importance of rejoicing with others when they rejoice and mourning with others when they mourn. I thought about the way I've been feeling about
people lately (like what I posted on my last blog entry), and I definitely haven't been so sympathetic. I think especially about the mourning when others mourn thing. People have
People have been talking to me a lot lately about relationships they feel negatively about, that they're not happy about the way things are going. Whenever I hear them talk about that, it just makes me think of all the relationships in my life that I feel really crappy about.There are way too many, and it makes me sad, but I think for the wrong reasons. So I think I have been running away from those people, even though that's like the opposite of compassion. We talked in the bible study about how to deal with that, and we came to the conclusion that we need to be at a place where we've come to terms with the hard stuff that's going on in our lives, so that we are able to help others. Not that it's going away anytime soon, but we can't just keep pushing all that stuff on the side and not deal with it. At least we need to come to a place where we have a peace that God can and will take care of it. So I'm going to try to apply it, and not run away from the hard stuff.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good after that. God's really good about showing you what you need to know when you need to know it :).

tired

Today was really draining. I'm not quite sure why. I just got hit with this extreme fatigue tonight. Sigh . . . I opened a bank account this morning and was hit with the fact that I don't know where I'll be living in about a month and a half. My parents don't give me much room to forget that fact too. So I stepped up the job hunting today and applied for 8 more on monstertrak. Hopefully I'll find something soon. But when I was finally filling out the paperwork to get paid today at my temporary job, Karl (the office manager) was saying that if I'm still here in 3 months, he'll have to do something about insurance. They don't seem in a hurry to get rid of me. Although the situation is a little hectic, especially with the traffic, it seems like it's a place for me to be right now. I also realized this morning that I haven't really been giving things over to God. I've been letting them get me frustrated, but not really asking God about them. I tried today. I feel like I'm not sure again what it means to give something over to God, but that usually happens when you're trying to do that. We'll see what happens :).

I just feel kinda overwhelmed today, and I really don't understand why. It's not like I'm doing very much, but I have no energy to do stuff or talk to people, and I just feel like people only have negative things to talk about. People like to talk about what they see wrong with their lives and what they need. I guess my blog entry is mostly like that right now (funny huh?). I don't think it's bad in general. I think that we need to talk about the things we're not satisfied with, but I'm feeling like I need to be more thankful for stuff. When you're thankful, everything seems better.

So anyway, tomorrow I'm going to korean aerobics (bright and early) and run some errands, pack, then off camping. I don't know where we're going camping or really who we're going camping with (except Sharon and Ed and that the rest of them are from anime expo). It should be good though. I'm looking forward to some time with nature, taking in God's beauty. We are gonna get to go fishing! I also got the EIT review manual in the mail today, so we're taking that camping with us :). I'll try to take some pictures so I can share with everyone when I get back :).

stuff

Things have been confusing lately. I feel like I'm not doing enough and feeling like I'm doing too much at the same time. I've expressed this to a few people already. Today, I took some time to pray and read the bible. Usually times like that at least help me feel refreshed or more at peace, and somehow, I didn't really feel like I got anything out of it. It was awesome to get to pray for a lot of people more in-depth than I usually do, but as far as the unsettled feeling, it's still kinda there. On the other hand, after the time praying, it was easier to make a decision about what I was going to do today than it was before. I was stressed out about what I was going to do today cuz I thought I had a lot to do, but I decided that I didn't really. So today I decided to make dinner for Sharon's family. They've been so nice to me while I've been here that's why. So Sharon and I made tempura and beef donburi. It actually turned out really well. Tempura is a pain in the butt to cook though. Then we watched a movie, "Riding in Cars with Boys". It was really good. I was surprised because I thought it was going to be a crappy drama, but it's a really well made movie. Ed was over and being a trouble-maker(I told him I'd mention him in the blog, I might eventually write a profile about him), but it was still a good night.

Anyway, I guess what I'm wanting right now is just a little more ability to see God. I feel like when I was in Colorado, I didn't feel like I had these great personal interaction times with God, but I could see God so clearly in my life, in the ways things all turned out. I just feel like now I'm out of touch somehow, and I want things to mean more to me than they do. I've also only been back 2 weeks, and I always worry too much or become confused about things that aren't supposed to make me confused (i ALWAYS do this).

Lisa a.k.a. "W'all shington beauty" (hahahahaha . . . the nickname is all Dave's fault)

So, I got 2 more to go, and now it's Lisa's turn. Sorry it's taking me so long guys. I guess I'm getting slower and slower. I don't have the motivation that I did before, so you guys should get on my case more :).

Lisa's from Seattle, or around there somewhere and goes to UW along with 30 million other people. Okay, I'm exaggerating. She's another architecture major. We had too much of those this summer :). She's the only other intern from the "west side" (hahaha). Anyway, Lisa's really awesome. Because UW is on the quarter system, she came 2 weeks later than everyone else. She got here like one day before she had to leave for Honduras. She was feeling really sick that day too. She's a real trooper. I think that's something I really liked about her, it seemed like no matter what she was going through, she was able to take what was coming with a firm faith that God was going to get her through, and not only get her through, but bless her. She was often really excited about doing things and you'd never hear her complain.

Lisa also has an amazing faith. She loves to read and study the Bible. She works really hard to understand scripture deeply. It seems we had a lot of really deep thinkers among our intern group this summer. She also reads a lot of Christian literature. She reads so quickly, she pretty much inhales books. I love that. I wish I could do that. She also has a pretty healthy level of submission to authority. I think I lack that sometimes, and tend to have a rebellious streak because I really like to understand why I believe what I believe and why I am doing what I'm doing. She is good at submitting to authority, I think especially the authority of God.

Another thing about Lisa is that I think that she's a true introvert. She is very good about making sure she gets her alone time, whereas me and Jenni weren't so good about that :). It was good though because she encouraged(or forced) us to take breaks and spend some time with God. She has told me before that she is often bad about sharing things with other people, and that her relationships tend to be ones where other people share a lot with her and she listens and helps them, but she often doesn't share too much. Lisa is a really amazing listener though. She was really there for me when I was going through a lot of hard stuff this summer. She was always there to listen and support me. She left me a post-it note on my computer screen with a nice note and scripture. The verses were perfect for me too. I still have the post-it :). She would also send me "romantic" emails :) when I was saying I needed more romance in my life, and while Jenni called me "babe", Lisa called me "sweetie". It was really nice.

Let's not get the wrong idea here. Lisa has a boyfriend named Ben. It's kinda cool because Ben got an internship in Colorado Springs with Overseas International (is that right?) for the month of August, so he came down and we got to hang out with him a bunch too. This is a picture of Ben and Lisa. Something that was a little rough on me though was that they both liked puns waaaaaaaaay too much. Ben was a lot worse than Lisa, but she was pretty bad too. For being quiet and introverted, she had an extremely weird side too. I don't know how to explain it, but Lisa could get hyper and act pretty crazy. She also started using the contraction "w'all". I think it came from our teasing Dave about his southern accent and his saying "y'all", that she started using "w'all" to mean "we all". She'd send emails to all the interns asking "What're w'all doing tonight?" Although she did want breaks in our schedule, Lisa was good at planning our calendar. She'd bring "the list" (all the stuff we wanted to do this summer) to my desk, and we'd plan out weeks. It didnt' work so well, but she's a lot better at it than I am, so I think I was the weak link there.

Lisa was a great friend to me this summer. I hope that we will be able to keep in touch. She inspired me to seek strongly after God and not to compromise on your commitments to Him. She touched me through her encouragement and quiet faith, but also her ability to be excited and have fun.

bible study

Yesterday I went to Sharon's church and she had to help out at the youth service after the service we went to so she told me to go to the english ministry bible study and she would meet me after. The bible study was really good. It was about failure and we studied Luke 22:24-34 and 54-62. I don't ever remember reading that passage. I must have, but hmm.

So the thing that really struck me was that Jesus knew that Peter was going to betray him, and it was like he was saying "you're going to fail me, but after that, when you're restored, strengthen your brothers." (vs. 32). There's so much grace in that. Jesus doesn't take failure as seriously as we do sometimes it seems. He was going to restore Peter again and have faith in him and give him responsibility in His kingdom. I think Jesus sees failure more as an opportunity to learn and grow than some kind of dead end, which is how we see it at times. Gotta love how God can be in control even in the midst of our many failures.

keeping in touch

Today was kinda cool. I vowed to take a day off from driving because in just 4 days, I have gotten completely sick of LA traffic. So most of today was spent indoors and on the phone :). It was a nice keeping in touch day. I got to talk to Brian for a while, and then Brian's mom. Then I called Adam and Ivan. It was really good to talk to them and kinda weird at the same time because it's wei I finished my blog entry about Matthew. I think that was good, it helped me remember good times from the summer. Ho-Jun also called me to tell me he started taking Lindy lessons. Haha, look what I started :). I got to talk to Trudy (who is now engaged by the way), Brad (who's army unit is activated and will be going to Iraq in October), and Joel (who will hopefully be a CPA in 3 years). It's so crazy. So much keeping in touch today. It's good to see that there are so many people that I have known and cared about, and still care about. Praise God for them! But maybe tomorrow I'll make a vow to take a day off from using the phone :).

I also played some internet spades with Sharon. She finally said I was good enough to play rated games with her, so yeah, and we won our first three rated games, yay!

Tonight, Sharon's aunt, uncle, and cousin came over for dinner and we had Kal bi and lots of amazing korean side dishes. Man, I love korean food. I gotta start being more disciplined about the running though if I'm gonna keep eating so well :).

Overall, today was a good day, it reminded me of God's provision, His infinite love for me, and how He'll always give me exactly what I need. In the midst of things being really unsettled, I can know that everything will turn out great :). Thank you Jesus!

Matthew a.k.a. "M-dogg"

Wow, hmm, it seems like there's so much to write about Matthew and I don't know where to start. Matthew said that he was afraid to read what I'm going to write about him. I think he has something to be afraid of ;). One thing that struck me about Matthew right away was his insistence on being called Matthew. I have known a lot of Matthews in the past, and they've all gone by Matt, but not this one . . .

He's a really quiet guy. I guess people that know me well know that I tend to hang around quiet people (you can make your own guesses at why that is). Anyway, so Matthew's a pretty interesting person. He's really quiet, but when he gets to know you better, he's really quick to mock anything and everything you do. I'm not joking, Matthew is relentless with his "one-liners" as Dave calls them. I think that's one reason I got along with Matthew so well, we both love to mock things and people :). He's also a really good sport. Although he didn't let me teach him how to dance, he'll sing "Livin' La Vida Loca" at karaoke if you sign him up for it :). I wonder who did that . . . :)

Matthew's definitely an architect. He's such a perfectionist, his desk always has to be neat, he tends to be very punctual, he has to have everything prepared waaaaaaay ahead of time. We helped him to grow in patience this summer as we always seemed to take forever to decide what to do or even once we decided, we'd take forever to get all of us there. He has commented on his annoyance at this several times.

Matthew is also from Rhode Island. I still don't really understand why this is so funny, but oh well. Oh yeah, I remember, so he once told me this saying they say in Rhode Island: "I'm Rhode Island born and Rhode Island bred, and when I die, I'll be Rhode Island dead." Did I get it right, Matthew? :) Once when stopped at a stoplight, the guydriving behind him stopped, got out of his car, and took a picture of Matthew's License plate cuz I guess he hadn't seen a Rhode Island license plate before. Matthew says that most people in Rhode Island get their initials on their license plates because it's so small.

Matthew also loves sappy romantic comedies. He likes to say that he likes "chick flicks". He insisted that we had to go see "The Princess Diaries 2". They went to see it a couple days after I left Colorado. I can't decide yet if I'm glad that I missed it or not. He also likes country music. I still don't really understand his tie to country music, but yeah, it's like the only thing he listens to in his car. Because of the times I rode in his car, I got a lot more exposure to country this summer. I found myself listening to a country radio station on my way home from work today :). You were such a good influence on me, Matthew.

Okay, I have to start writing good things about Matthew now :). I just thought I'd get my mocking in, hmm, I'm sure there's a lot more bad things to write though . . . :)

So, seriously, something that really struck me about Matthew was his ability to reflect on situations and see the themes and lessons to take away from it. I think that it's because he thinks a lot, but doesn't always share what he's thinking. Then, when he has things more figured out and put together, he shares and blows everyone away. I used to think that when people were quiet, they didn't have much going on, and so, not much to say, but I know that's not true, and definitely not true with Matthew. I've been so blessed by the times that he's shared stuff (in speeches or just one-on-one).

He's really good at writing speeches, scrapbooking, and making movies of his experiences and think that his ability to see what God has done through those experiences really shows through those things. He helped me write my sharing about Honduras talk. I didn't get to hear him give his closing speech, but I got to read it before I left (seeing as he finished it a week ahead of time). It was really awesome, and it made me want to cry. I've also had the opportunity to make scrapbook pages with Matthew and marvel at his mastery at scrapbooking, as well as see him piece together a movie about his summer in a couple hours. He's amazing! (Sorry Jenni, don't worry, you're amazing too!) I guess another thing comes to mind when I think about that. Matthew is really artsy (well, not weird artsy, but surprisingly so for a guy). He appreciates pretty things, and knows what pretty things are. I really admire that. Here's a picture of the watermelon in which Matthew carved the state of Illinois for Jenni and Ho-Jun's last night. Notice the star indicating where Champaigne is. That really blew me away.

Matthew also has one of the greatest smiles ever. It's one of those contagious smiles. I don't think I ever told him that, but yeah. When I was feeling a little down sometimes, I'd be talking to him, and he never really knows what to say (because he's so quiet), but his smile would always make me want to smile too. So yeah, I really miss you, Matthew. I think I could use some of those smiles right now :).

So, I think that's it. One thing that's great is that I know Matthew will keep in touch. He's good about that, so even in writing this, I don't feel like it's really saying goodbye. I'll be praying for you, Matthew. Make sure you have some fun over there in Rhode Island, we won't be around to make sure you have lots of fun stuff to do ;).

life in so-cal

Sigh, so I'm back in southern california . . . yipee. I mean I'm not that sad about it, there are great things about being here: you can get almost every kind of food you'd want to eat (including hawaiian), there's great diversity (it's awesome to see such a mix of people), it's close to the ocean (although the beaches kinda suck), you're 45 minutes from pretty much anything, and lots of my friends are here. Okay, so it's sounding better. I also get to go swing dancing at a real swing club on thursday night. Hooray!!! Okay, I think I cheered myself up about being here even after driving through the LA smog and traffic.

Okay, on to other news, I need a name for my car. I came to the conclusion that it's too cute to have a boy's name, so that limits the options, but if you have any suggestions, you can comment or you can email me at iwannadance12345@yahoo.com.

Oh, I'm really proud of myself. The other night, I really wanted to put links in my blog, so what I did was looked at the html code that makes up my template and found where those other sidebar things are and added some code that made me a little Links section. Hey Brian, aren't you proud of me too? :) I still have to figure out how to make line breaks so I can put other links in it.

Started a job today. That whole thing is a little more complicated so I'm not going to write too much about that here. The people there are really nice though, and the first day was a good experience overall.

I guess that's some kind of update. Please help me out with some car name suggestions! :)

Dave "that movie was life changing" (that's a quote not a nickname)

Here we go Dave. Sorry it took so long, it seems settling in takes a little time. I'm still not very settled in seeing as I have to move again tomorrow. Anyway, I really want to continue writing about the rest of the interns, and it's Dave's turn. Dave left Colorado Springs the same day as I did so he's the next in line.

Dave's from Virginia. You wouldn't think that's a very important fact about him, but it IS important. So important in fact that he doesn't let you forget it. Dave is very proud of the state of Virginia and finds some way to say that it is better than anywhere else he has been. That's also amazing because he's been all over the world. His parents are both in the military so Dave has traveled a lot. Dave has a southern accent that he wants to get rid of because he thinks that there is a stereotype that people with southern accents are dumb. He's not so dumb though.

Dave just graduated from the University of Virginia (another place he's very proud of) in structural engineering. He is one of the 3 interns who have graduated. He will be joining the naval civil engineer corps in the spring. It was really cool having another structural engineering intern in the office. I could go bug him at his desk and talk to him about concrete and loading and fun things like that. It's kinda sad because I didn't get to spend that much time with Dave. He didn't come out with us too often. I wish I had gotten to know him better.

The thing that I liked most about Dave was that he is a really honest person. He isn't afraid to say no to someone, share how he feels about something, or tell it like it is even though it's not always something that people want to hear. I admire his straightforwardness. Dave became a Christian not too long ago. His family is traditionally Catholic and most of his best friends aren't Christian. He has had to struggle with not having much Christian community among the people closest to him. He is still struggling trying to figure out how to be a good witness to them. Dave is also trying to figure out what kind of church he wants to belong to (like me). He really wants to be able to reconcile his faith with the Catholic tradition he has grown up with, and wants to be a witness there as well. He knows he has a lot more to learn, and is very eager to learn things. He has a loves to study the bible in-depth, to think very deeply and critically about it. I also love that about him, that desire for wisdom and answers to deep questions.

Dave also loves extreme things. He has done marathons, other crazy races, and is very disciplined in his exercising. He wants to get to the top of each of the Seven Summits, the tallest peaks on the 7 continents. He's crazy but I believe he'll do it. Go Davey!

last day at eMi

hmm, today was my last day at eMi. It feels very strange making such a big change. I still haven't said most of my goodbyes because I'm going to hang out with the interns tonight and tomorrow they'll all see me off at the Omelette Parlor (it's half price on omelettes before 7 am).

We all went to play shuffleboard today at lunch and Will beat me 83-71. It was an awesome game though, a nail-biter. Then Will bought me a double gulp from 7-11. It is a very LARGE drink (1.9 liters). He thought it would look funny with little me drinking such a big drink (it's about 2 times the size of my head). I didn't even finish half of it.

I also got to take a nice walk with Danna for our last mentoring time and she prayed for me. I'm gonna miss her a lot. She's been an awesome mentor. Don't have much time to write. Jon's waiting for me so we can leave the office for the last time. I probably won't post for a little while, but I gotta remember to get profiles of the other interns up.

Thanks eMi, it's been fun!

comments

hey, i figured out how to let anyone post comments even if you're not a blogger user. Yay! So yeah, now it should work.

Adam a.k.a. "White Lightning"

Today was Adam's last day, and it's a good thing that we had a good talk last night about it being time to leave and saying goodbye and all that because this goodbye stung.

I guess the first thing to say about Adam is that he's a really caring, considerate guy. Adam was the first to respond to me when I first emailed the whole group of interns a couple months before coming here. When I had said that I had never been to Colorado before and I was worried about the weather, he assured me that I'd think it was beautiful, and I'd be okay. He also said he'd be praying for me. Even though I didn't know anything about Colorado or anyone here, I felt better about coming here knowing that Adam would be here. Then Adam was put on my project trip team. Last night he asked me if I thought there was a reason that we were placed on the teams that we went with. He was asking himself, "why Ho-Jun and Michelle?" I don't quite have an answer for you there Adam. But I can think of a lot of reasons though why God put Adam and Ho-Jun in my life and gave me that opportunity to get to know them better. Adam is also the kind of guy that when he drops you off at night, waits till you get into the house before he leaves. Me and Jenni were talking about that and we think it's awesome! This one night, Adam was dropping me off. The outside light wasn't on and I couldn't find the keyhole, so it took me like almost 5 minutes to get into the house. Adam waited, and he yelled to me to see if I was okay. Wow.

Adam's a really outdoorsy guy ;) (don't worry Adam, I'm not calling you cute). He loves backpacking (even in freezing cold weather), fly-fishing, hmm, pretty much everything outdoorsy. He has his own $100 water filter to filter water from streams when he's backpacking. He's a really good guy to have around if you're going camping, because it seems like he always knows what to do.

Another thing that I love about Adam is that he's up for anything. There are too many instances of this to really describe how it's true. Dancing, singing, dressing up, games, eating different foods. He's such a great sport. He danced with me a lot this summer too, and dancing with Adam is always a blast. He's got the waltz down and is catching on to Lindy. He also has this way of singing, where it's like he's not quite in the right key or melody, but it still sounds like the song. It's impossible to sing along with him though ;).

Adam's also very silly. He says the randomest things and tells the cornyest jokes. His expressions are often very exaggerated and it seems like he's always full of energy. The best way I think that I can describe his personality is when I say to someone "take it easy", I would mean "act like Adam". He's hilarious (I probably say that about everyone, but I really think that Adam's hilarious).

Adam has an incredible faith. I'm really inspired by it. It always seems like Adam has no worries, but it's because he trusts God with his life, with everything that is happening and will happen to him. Adam loves seeking after God, and intentionally makes time to listen, pray, and reflect. He can just sit for hours journaling about the things that God is doing in his life and the things he's experiencing. I am surprised because he's so silly that I wouldn't think that he would ponder things so deeply, but sometimes he'll just ask a really deep question and catch everyone off guard. He's the type of person that fills his life with things that remind him of God. Oftentimes when someone fills their lives with things that remind them of God, everything starts reminding them of God. That's what I see in Adam. He just lets everything take him back to God.

Oh, and he gave himself the nickname "White Lightning" while playing ping pong with me. Adam, you're great. Remember that we need to plan our intern reunion!

kinda quiet

I think today's the first day that it's really setting in that everyone's leaving. The office is so quiet (what I expected with Jenni gone :). Today, I was asking around at what everyone was doing for lunch. We had usually gone to the park every day to eat, but out of the 4 interns that were in the office today, 2 of them had mentoring lunches and Lisa wanted to go to the bank. I ended up eating at my desk and catching up on random information on the internet (Jon's cool India pictures, Jordy's blog).

I decided to look at George Bush and John Kerry's political agendas so that I could be a more inforned voter. I still don't know how that's going to work out (california or hawaii residency) but I want to vote this year. Not that I know anything or could make a good decision about stuff like this (remember when I voted for Nader freshman year? Everyone made fun of me). I don't ever really agree with anyone, so how am I supposed to make a decision on who to vote for? We'll see.

I was also reading "The Healing Path" some and was surprised to see that it was talking about being American Christians in a way that didn't piss me off. Yay! Sorry that I'm skipping around so much, but to me thinking about Christian America is directly related to thinking about American government. I don't really know what it means to be a Christian in America, and am constantly struggling with that. I still struggle with being in Colorado Springs and hearing so often the view that America is always right. Anyway, the book says:

"There is a shrill, chest-pounding demand among some that we must return to a "Christian America." The stridency and self-righteousness often associated with those views only seem to kindle a more intense "secular" response of disdain that insists Christianity return to the margins. The defensive world says, "Don'e impose your views on me." The angry church clamors back, "You are not only imposing your godless philosophies on me through the public schools and the media, but you are taking my freedoms away." The result is an intractable debate that further serves to divide and distract the church from living the gospel. What exactly are some Christians calling society to return to? No monolithic, singular Christian viewpoint has ever structured our society; pluralism has been the United States' foundation since its inception. And even if there once was a culture we associate with a more civilized, uniform, and predictable era, it is no more possible to restore that consensus than to click our ruby heels and suddenly return to Kansas. Instead our important task is to engage our culture."

It says more, but it's easier to end there. I gotta get back to work. I'm trying not to be frustrated about work here. Funny, but a lot of it feels meaningless too. I thought I came here to do work that would do something for God's kingdom. I haven't felt that way. I went to Honduras and saw the needs of the deaf community there, and was struck by God's love for them, and His desire to help them, so I was excited about helping with the project. It seems though that that project is a little stuck because the architect hasn't been in touch, and I don't know if I'll get any work done on it before I leave. Maybe I just have a bad attitude today, but it seems like people in the office just want interns around so that they can do busywork to make things look nice. I think people care too much about things looking nice.

cowboy weekend

This last weekend was lots of fun. It was kinda sad though because Ho-Jun and Jenni left, then Will went to the Carolinas for a wedding and to talk to his girlfriend's dad about marrying her (go Will!), Dave went to California to visit a friend, and Lisa's family was in town so she was hanging out with them. Only Matthew, Adam, and I were left.

Peter, Adam's roomie just got a new job scheduling worship at the world prayer center. It's quite a change from his engineering job. He starts on wednesday. Because of that, his friends decided to throw him a cowboy themed karaoke party. Peter really wants to be a cowboy, but he thinks that the only way he could be one is to marry into a ranching family or something. Who knows? :) Anyway, so on saturday (after I saw Jenni off at 5 in the morning) we went shopping for costumes to wear to the party. It was a lot of fun! I ended up getting a good deal on pants at Target, but that's a different story. It was kinda stressful to try to figure out what would make me look like a cowgirl. I don't know that there are many asian cowgirls out there. We realized it's all about accesories, and it was mostly the hat. I ended up just buying a hat at WalMart (boo), and I found a cool shirt (actually Matthew found it for me) at the Western Warehouse (it wasn't really a cowgirl shirt, but it was nice, cheap, and I'd wear it again). Then we went back to Peter's and dressed up. Matthew made Adam this aluminum foil belt buckle that said "1975 Rodeo Champ" on it. It was huge. I have a picture of Adam with his belt buckle, but it's blurry.

(By the way, Brian just gave me webspace to post pictures now so I don't have to deal with stupid buzznet.com that only lets me post 10 pictures a day. If you want to look at that gallery, it s at http://zakarov.suitejesus.com/friends/gallery/mich/ although most of the pictures will be linked to on the blog (but not all))

Anyway, after dressing up, we decided to go to a Japanese restaurant. Peter says it's the best Japanese restaurant in Colorado Springs. It was pretty good. It was the first time in a long time that I've had japanese food. Hooray for sushi! Peter paid for the meal . . . did I mention that Peter is awesome? We then headed for the party. It's kinda sad because Jenni left and she would take tons of pictures with her digital camera, and Matthew got sand in his at the sand dunes, so all the picture-taking was left to me. I didn't do such a great job, but at least we have some. Here are Matthew, Adam, and I at the party. I didn't sing much country (I don't know too much country), but Adam and I decided to dance to every song. It was so much fun. I got to polka, waltz, Lindy, and just do whatever. Here's a picture of Matthew and Adam being weird (I love that picture, It sort of captures how strange Adam can be at times). Here's a picture of me and Matthew. Jeni (a different one), she's Lisa's roomie for the summer, she has a karaoke business, so she DJ'd for the event. She's awesome. She also DJ'd for our other karaoke party last week.

Let's see, what else? Oh, so after the party, we decided to watch the movie, "The Man from Snowy River". It was a cowboy movie. It was interesting, not bad for a movie that was made in 1982, although the special effects were a little iffy.

On sunday, I went to New Life church with Adam. The service was pretty interesting because they were between studying two books of the bible, instead of a sermon, the pastor went over questions that people in the congregation have asked him and tried to answer them. There were questions about the nation of Israel, the rapture, women teaching, speaking in tongues. I mean, so many controversial Christian topics. I was a little overwhelmed after listening to that. I liked some things the pastor had to say, and disagreed with others. It was good because it challenged me to think about those things. I usually don't.

After church, Matthew and I decided to put together the scrapbook pages that Danna had allotted us in her scrapbook. She only gave us 2 pages, can you believe that? So, we put some of our pictures on a CD and took it to Walgreens to get them printed. I love crafts, but I have never done a scrapbook before. It was okay though, because Matthew has scrapbook experience :). We went to Peter's to do the scrapbook so Adam could "help". It was really fun! I have pictures of the finished product, but they're kinda bad because they're a little blurry and the flash leaves bad reflections on the pictures. Here's the first page, and here's the second page.

Then we decided to watch another movie. Matthew and I went to Blockbuster, and after being there for over half an hour, decide to get "The Muppet Movie". I think that was my fault. We went back to Peter's and found out that "The Muppet Movie" is horrible. Peter had the movie, "The Horse Whisperer" (another cowboy movie), so we decided to watch that instead. We must have put in the movie at like 10 pm, not realizing that it's 2 and a half hours long. I really liked the movie, although I'm a little bit tired today. Oh well, I only have another week and a half in the springs, so I gotta make use of the time I have left. Adam's also leaving this friday . . . more goodbyes. Sigh. Anyway, that's the end of my cowboy weekend. I learned that cowboys are pretty cool and I can understand the "Cowboy Take me Away" song by the Dixie Chicks now :). Although, when we went to Cowboys, the night club, no one was very friendly there. So maybe I don't like cowboys as much as I think I do. Hmm, I'm confused, though I really want to go horseback riding now :).

Jenni a.k.a. "I'm amazing!"

Wow, I don't know how to write about Jenni. I have called her Sista the whole summer, and I totally feel like that's what she's been to me. While we were praying Ho-Jun and Jenni out this morning, I realized that Jenni has been God's grace to me this summer. God knew I needed a roommate, and He knew I needed someone to encourage me and get me excited about things. I have to admit, in the beginning I was a little annoyed at how excited she was about EVERYTHING, but now, I'm pretty excited too :).

It's a little tough that she's leaving, but I know that we'll see each other again, maybe as soon as september at Ivan's harvest party :). Anyway, before I describe her anymore, here are some pictures of Jenni. There aren't too many pictures of just Jenni because she takes most of them. On the other hand, there are about 5 million pictures of me and Jenni together, so I'll put a couple of those in.

What is she doing?
spoon
aren't we cute?
Jenni piggy-backing me
eating candy off our candy necklaces (that's my desk in the background)

So Jenni . . . I have to say that she would not normally be someone that I would get along with very well. I don't know if I have told you any of this Jenni, but yeah, I usually have problems with people like you (outgoing and very confident), but I've had AMAZING times of fellowship with Jenni this summer. I loved the times that we stayed up late talking even when we would be sooooo tired at work the next day, and I wouldn't have been able to survive without her physical affection ;). She would also make me melt when she called me babe. She knows how to make you laugh. Her laughter is really contagious. When she laughs at the office, everyone knows, and it's great. Man, things are going to be waaaaaay too quiet without Jenni at the office. It was great when I would go run an errand or something, come back to my desk and Jenni is sitting in my chair looking at pictures on my computer. It's amazing how much work we get done here :). Also, sometimes I pick up on things that people tend to say often. One day I was repeating to Jenni the phrases that I hear her saying often, "I'm amazing!" being the big one. She then replied, "if someone didn't know me very well, they could mistake me for the most conceited person on the planet." There is no need to say anymore about that . . . :) There are serious things to say about Jenni too, even though the non-serious things about her were one of the greatest blessings (for everyone that knows me, you know how serious I can be at times, I think I needed some non-serious stuff this summer).

This girl loves God. It's inspiring how much she loves God. She thinks very deeply about the Bible and is really good at recognizing God's faithfulness. She has troubles, but in the midst of those she is good at never despairing. We had some great talks about life and love. One of the moments I will never forget was when we decided to pray together. We were both feeling a little uncertain about things in our lives, so this one night we just decided to pray, and we prayed for like 45 minutes. It was awesome.

I'm gonna share some other random Jenni facts. Jenni is from Illinois and is half Korean, half white. In her testimony, she talked about most of the blessings in her life coming from her mother's faithfulness in prayer, how her mother, being a single parent, would have to work really hard to support her family, but would still get up really really early in the morning to pray for her children. Jenni's mom sounds awesome, I'd like to meet her someday. Jenni is a person that always has to be doing something. It's kinda cool to live with her because it seems like I'm never bored. As soon as there's nothing to do, she tells me to call someone up and see what they're up to (I'd always call because even though she's really social, she doesn't know how to use a phone). Jenni also loves Korean culture. She is constantly asking Ho-Jun what everything means in Korean. She wants to go to Korea, and learn Korean and do everything Korean. I guess that's the best way to describe it.

Jenni left on friday and I was going to post something about her not calling me to tell me that she reached safely, but she just called :). Yay! I miss you Jenni! Hopefully I'll see you again soon.